Can I Say I Love You?
by nande.0.datte
Summary: 10 Things I Hate About You college AU- SasoDei, YahiKonan. Yahiko falls for Konan, who has a crush on Pein. However, she's not allowed to date either of them until her cousin Deidara dates, too. So they get Sasori to date him. Sasori settles into his role as the seducer pretty easily, but the two argue constantly and seem to hate each other- but do they really?
1. The way you talk to me

**(I HATE) the way you talk to me**

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><p>AN:So, to get this over with- yes, this is based on the 1999 movie '10 things I hate about you'. I will probably quote it, and will definitely follow the basic structure, although I'll probably go in a different direction later on. The main pairings in this story are PeinKonan/Yahiko (Yahiko endgame) and SasoDei. If you like this chapter, please follow/favorite/review to let me know how I'm doing/what you think! Thank you very much in advance!  
>Obviously I don't claim any ownership over any charactersmovies/whatever. Also, a heads-up, the story will probably switch POV every so often- this will be marked. Also, _some characters will be related to other characters. Obviously this is not canon. ALSO if you don't like a secondary ship- don't worry! It won't be featured that much, and tbh I don't ship much else besides SasoDei so this is actually tricky for me._ Also, if you have a problem with a character who is 'OOC'- please keep in mind that many of the characters I'm using are, in canon, mass murderers. In this story, they are college students. So, chill please._  
><em>Just to reiterate: _in this story, Yahiko and Pein are different people! _  
>Please enjoy!<p>

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><p><em><strong>Yahiko<strong>_

Yahiko backed out of the guidance counselor's room feeling like he'd just walked out of the start of a really bad porno- Ms. Yamanaka had been seated cross-legged on her photocopier, her body squashed into a latex-tight mini dress, her lips fire engine red, holding a pen between her teeth. She seemed efficient at her job, just a little... bizarre and out of place, especially considering her colleagues were mostly wearing sweaters, jeans, and button-ups.

But who was he to judge? He'd spent half of high school in Guy Fawkes mask t-shirts, sewing 'Vive la Revolution' patches on everything he owned. Everyone went through a phase, at one point or another. Maybe Ms. Yamanaka had simply hit her Business Britney Spears phase ten years too late to call it teenage folly.

He walked up to the Student Services desk as he had been instructed, and stood there awkwardly for a few minutes, wondering if the boy draped luxuriously over a chair behind the desk hadn't noticed him or was ignoring him on purpose. He looked the guy over, noting the extremely deep V of his shirt and moving onto his hair, which was a very pale blond- almost white, in fact. Was it natural? Finally he cleared his throat self-consciously. The boy looked up, an unimpressed expression on his face.

"What the fuck do you want?" he asked bluntly, looking Yahiko up and down and smirking. Yahiko tried to regain the use of his dropped jaw as fast as he could, thinking the faster his answer, the better.

"Er, Ms. Yamanaka-"

"Who the fuck is that?"

"The guidance counselor. The blonde one." How could this guy not know her? They were literally two doors apart!

"Oh, that bitch..." the boy muttered, scratching the back of his head with one hand and reaching for his cup of black coffee with the other.

"Um, yes?" Yahiko continued, wondering if he would be better off just trying to find his class himself. "Anyway, she told me to come here. I just transferred, and she said someone would show me around...?"

He trailed off, watching, mesmerized, as the boy behind the counter took a sip of the coffee, said 'Fuck! Hot as Jashin's crackhole!' and chucked it behind him, where it splattered over a man with a goatee, who immediately clutched his face and began to scream.

"Well, I'll help you. Gotta get out of this shit hole." said, giving Yahiko a bright yet ironic smile, and ducking out from behind the desk. He swung an arm over Yahiko's shoulders and began to guide him down the hallway. Yahiko walked stiffly as the screams of pain continued, now joined with cries of 'What happened?' and 'Again?' Ms. Yamanaka had seemingly flung him into the path of a dangerous person.

"Alright, bitch, you'd better be grateful- you're getting my super-deluxe tour!"

"Great." Yahiko said, as enthusiastically as he could. The blond guy's arm was a serious weight on his shoulders- how heavy was it? More relevantly, how _tall _was this guy? Yahiko wasn't exactly short, and this guy had several inches on him.

As they walked down the busy hallway, the other students seemed to make way for them. Very unnaturally. Was it just because this guy was so tall, or was he desperately unpopular? From what Yahiko had already witnessed, he was pretty sure everyone else was just just fucking afraid of him.

"Forgot to introduce myself, by the way. Name's Hidan. What's your name, short shit?" Yahiko blinked up at him for a second, trying and failing to accept his way of speaking as 'normal'. In what universe was 6'0 _short _for your average male non-basketball-player?

"Um, I'm Yahiko..." Hidan snorted and shook his head.

"Pussy-ass name." Yahiko just grinned at the floor. He kind of wanted to record this moment and preserve it forever; _Yahiko's first day at college. _

Hidan swerved suddenly through some double doors, making Yahiko's shoulder bang into him. Yahiko flinched, in spite of himself- this guy had thrown boiling coffee at another guy's _face _just two minutes earlier. But Hidan didn't seem to have noticed.

"Alright, Yahiko. This shitfest here is the cafeteria." He gestured around at the large hall, which contained various fast food vendors, a wall of windows, and hundreds of tables and chairs, most of them full already.

"You've got your usual dickheads over there, various sluts, boring ass people, racists, bitches who were thrown at a wall at birth..." With every 'group' he pointed at a different cluster of people, none of whom (in Yahiko's (clearly uninitiated) opinion seemed to match his 'description')

"...and finally the actual cool people." Hidan gestured to a group of students spread casually over a group of sofas in a corner by the windows.

Yahiko looked them over, kind of bored, until his eyes fell on a girl with blue hair, who was laughing and balancing what looked like a small tower of paper cranes. He watched as the tower toppled and she caught them all mid-fall, shrugging and smiling at the guy next to her. Her shirt was tight and red-violet, the same colour as Hidan's seriously bizarre eyes._  
><em>

"...horny-ass lunch ladies. You _know _they're all on some crazy shit. This one time-"

"Hidan, do you know that girl?" Yahiko interrupted, before remembering he didn't want to piss him off. Hidan stopped mid-sentence and looked over.

"Which one?"

"Blue hair." Hidan grinned and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Course I do. Her dad works at the hospital. He put my jaw back on a while back." Yahiko tried hard not to imagine that.

"Do you know her name?" Hidan scratched his chin and shrugged.

"K-something. Last name's Nanahara. Wait." he snapped his fingers. "Konan. She's the cousin of a friend of mine. Why the fuck do you want to know, anyway? You a stalker or some shit?" Hidan asked, looking at Yahiko suspiciously. Yahiko shook his head.

"I'd be a pretty shitty stalker if I didn't know her name, don't you think?" he replied drily. Hidan grinned and slung his arm back around Yahiko's shoulders.

"Damn right." he said, then steered Yahiko back out of the cafeteria. "On with the tour."

Yahiko glanced back at Konan's pretty face as they left.

**_Konan_**

"Hey!" Konan exclaimed as Nagato nudged her arm, causing the tower of paper cranes to fall over again. She glanced at him and rolled her eyes, seeing him biting his lips, trying not to laugh. She flung a crane at his face.

"They'd have fallen over anyway. It's not like you were looking at what you were doing." Nagato said, giving her a pointed look.

"What are you talking about?" Konan said, flushing- she knew _exactly _what he was talking about. And of course, he knew that, too. It was a given though- they had been in the same school from kindergarten all the way to college- she liked to think they'd been destined to be best friends. Or cursed, if she was mad at him.

"Silly. How long are you going to keep up that act? _Everyone _knows you like Pein. Even Pein knows you like him." Nagato said, running a hand through his soft, red hair. Konan shushed him, feeling her face get warm again.

"Shut up!" she said, her voice going annoyingly high. Nagato smiled.

"Seriously, Konan. Are you gonna tell him this year? You've been unashamedly crazy about him for a whole year now. Are you ever going to do something about it?" Nagato asked softly, giving her shoulder a nudge. Konan sighed heavily and stuck out her bottom lip.

"_No_. You know I can't date, so there's no point. My dad is psycho as ever." Nagato rolled his eyes.

"He's _still _completely against you dating? I thought he was overreacting in high school, but this is just ridiculous. You're in college! If you can't get him to change his mind, why didn't you just apply for residence?" Konan rubbed her face. She was still frustrated about the whole thing, remembering vividly her father scowling at her from across the dinner table.

"He wouldn't let me. You know my dad, he controls everything. If I'd applied behind his back, he'd have never let me come back. Just because he got mom pregnant when they were teenagers doesn't mean I'm gonna get pregnant! Besides, he won't even let me date someone who's taken a vow of chastity. 'I know what boys are like.'" She imitated her dad's toady voice. Nagato laughed.

"Did he say that while writing 'Sexy times paradise' or whatever the hell he's onto now?" Konan snorted.

"You know it. It's his hobby. He's the biggest hypocrite I know." She leaned back in her armchair, giving a quick wave to her other friends who left for their afternoon classes. "Not only is he forcing this on me, but my cousin's got mixed up in it now, too." Nagato stared at her.

"What the heck? He's not letting your cousin -_a guest at your house-_ date either? That's actually crazy." Konan chewed her lip and shook her head.

"That's not it. His new 'decree' is that I can date when my cousin does." Nagato looked puzzled.

"That... doesn't sound so bad. You just have to wait for your cousin to-" Konan shook her head again.

"That's not gonna happen. My dad thought this through pretty well, actually. My cousin doesn't date. He had a boyfriend in highschool, I think, and since then he's completely sworn off human interaction to focus on his art, or something." Nagato raised his eyebrows.

"'Sworn off human interaction'? So he doesn't even talk to you?"

"No, we get along really well, actually! But... he's kind of a dick." she said with a grin.

"_Hidan's _your cousin?" Nagato said disbelievingly. Konan snorted loudly.

"Hell no! Thank god... he's actually a friend of my cousin. I just mean... Deidara is... well..."

"How about I just accept that you can't date, and you're destined to do nothing more than drool over Pein from across the room, as always?" Nagato said with a wry grin. Konan blew a raspberry at him, but agreed anyway.

"Yeah. Pretty much."

She sighed, glancing over to where her focus had admittedly been for most of the last hour. Pein was leaning back in his chair, paying no attention to his friends, who talked amongst themselves. His multiple piercings caught the light as his bored gaze wandered over the wall of windows and stopped for a moment on Konan, who quickly blinked and looked away.

"But he's so _hot_." she complained, resting her forehead on Nagato's shoulder.

"There there." he patted her back, grinning.

_**Pein**_

Half an hour later, Konan and her friend got up and headed for the exit. Pein's gaze followed them as they left, lingering on Konan's chest and legs.

"You checking out that second year? She's got a pretty tight body. But you know, I heard her dad's pretty crazy about guys-"

"Shut up, Tobi." Pein interrupted, not looking at the boy next to him. He paused for a minute, lost in thought for a few minutes. He had been a bit bored lately...

"I'll bet you five hundred dollars" he paused. He tilted his head back, and a nasty grin split across his face. "I'll bet you five hundred dollars that within the next month, I'll have fucked her in her father's house."

He tuned out his friends' laughter and sounds of agreement, folding his arms behind his head, running his tongue piercing over the roof of his mouth. Now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure that blue haired girl was the one people had been mentioning was into him. He didn't care at all, but it would make it even easier than he'd thought... Maybe he should have said 'within the week'. He smirked.

**_Yahiko_**

"Wait, are you serious? She's not allowed to date until her cousin does?" Yahiko asked, staring at Hidan in disbelief. How controlling could her dad possibly be? Hidan just grinned and shrugged before flicking another piece of popcorn into the air and catching it in his mouth.

"What d'ya want me to say?" he asked, chewing with his mouth open. "That's what I heard from Deidara. Apparently the dad's crazy."

"Who's Deidara?" Yahiko asked.

Hidan had finished showing him around the school, and had fully intended to go back to doing nothing at the Student Services desk, but when they'd got there his burnt co-worker was being transferred onto a gurney by emergency medical staff, so he'd decided to take the rest of the day off until things cooled down. As Yahiko had let slip that he didn't have any classes that day, Hidan had basically kidnapped him for the rest of the afternoon.

They were sitting behind the oldest bus stop Yahiko had seen in his life. Apparently it was Hidan's favorite place to come and pray to 'Jashin', whoever the fuck that was. Yahiko didn't ask, certain he wouldn't be able to sleep at night if he learnt the answer.

"Deidara's my best friend. He's a transfer, too, but he got here at the start of term 2 last year. He's in second year, like his cousin."

"Konan's in second year?" Yahiko sighed. So pretty, so awesome, and so... out of his league. Hidan took out a cigarette and lit it, inhaling deeply before exhaling in Yahiko's face and grinning.

"Relax, Yankeeko."

"Yahiko." Hidan shrugged and made a gesture that very clearly said 'I don't give a fuck'.

"So you want to bang the big blue?" Yahiko frowned, having several objections to the way Hidan had worded that. For one thing, was he inadvertently referring to the ocean...? He wasn't sure if he even wanted to know.

"...What part of Konan is big?" he asked warily, wafting a cloud of smoke out of his face. Hidan smirked.

"Her tits." Yahiko pursed his mouth and looked away, vowing to always, always listen to his gut.

"Well, leaving that aside, yes, I would like to talk to, hang out with, and maybe eventually date her." Yahiko felt a little embarrassed. After all, he hadn't even met her. He'd just seen her from across the room, like in movies with romances that would never actually happen in real life. Oh god.

"Well that's not so hard. Just go talk to her, see if you want to nail her, then just find someone to fuck Deidara, and problem fucking solved!" Hidan said with a laugh, taking another drag, and putting the cigarette out on the concrete. He then flung the stub at a passing squirrel, fortunately missing. Yahiko didn't even want to imagine what kind of child this freak had been. Probably the type that fried worms with a magnifying glass. Urgh.

"...Isn't it weird for you to say that? Since you're this guy's friend?" Yahiko asked. Hidan just laughed.

"Believe me, I'm doing him a favor. He has a _serious _stick up his asshole about this stuff. Besides, what are friends for? I'll tell you what they're for, they're for hooking me up with some thirsty bitches."

Yahiko marveled at Hidan's attitude. He was about to wonder how this guy went through every day of life without getting punched all the time, before he remembered that his jaw had needed to be reattached at least once. That no longer surprised him at all.

"But... well, maybe he's asexual? Or aromantic?" Hidan shrugged.

"Maybe. I'd ask him, but I don't really give a shit. If he is, that would sure make your problem bigger, wouldn't it?" He grinned. "You could always pay someone to pretend to date him or something." Yahiko rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, like _that's _a reasonable idea. It kind of sounds evil." he said. Hidan snorted loudly, shook his head, and took out another cigarette. "Besides, I haven't even talked to Konan yet. I'm kind of old-fashioned, in that I like to get to know a girl before I launch an extremely evil and manipulative plan to get her father's permission to hang out with her." Yahiko said sarcastically.

"Whatever floats your dildo." Hidan said, shrugging and leaning back against the wall of the decrepit bus station. Yahiko just shook his head. Where the hell did this guy even come up with these phrases...? He sighed and folded his arms, leaning back alongside Hidan. He pictured Konan's smiling face again, her awesome hair...

"Oh god, I feel really creepy right now." he muttered, rubbing his face.

_**Konan**_

Konan began unpacking her textbooks into her locker, smiling to herself. It had been a really good day. Not only were the leaves finally beginning to change, meaning that the pumpkin spice lattes would soon be on the Starbucks menus, but unless she was seriously deluded, Pein was starting to _flirt _with her.

Two weeks ago, he had started smiling at her in the hallway and saying 'hi' when they saw each other. Then he'd started chatting with her when they were in line together at the cafeteria, and yesterday he had -she still couldn't believe it- asked her if she'd like to hang out with him after school.

Konan bit her lips, smiling happily as she grabbed her water bottle, remembering. They had gotten smoothies (she smirked, remembering how out of place he'd looked at the booth) and he'd driven her home. It had been really fun, until her dad had yelled at her, asking what she was doing with a guy who was 'so obviously thinking of one thing'.

She scowled, dropping a granola bar into her bag and reaching for her stack of origami paper. Why did her dad have to be so irritating? She looked up as someone leaned against the locker next to hers, and felt her grip on her backpack loosen in surprise when she saw who it was.

"Pein! Hi!" she said in a voice far more piping than she'd have liked. She cleared her throat, her face warming as Pein looked her over, a slow smile spreading on his pale face. He was so damn _cool_.

"Hey, Konan." he said softly, reaching forward and tugging on a lock of her hair. She froze, her face reddening. Did he just...?

"Do you want to hang out Saturday night?" he asked, looking her up and down again, slower this time. Konan bit down on her lips, really ashamed that she was so completely turned on just from that.

"Like... like a date?" she asked nervously. Pein paused for a moment before giving her a smile.

"Yeah. Like a date." Konan prayed that she would remember this moment for the rest of her life. Thanks to her father, this would probably the most romantic interaction she was going to have for the next few years... She sighed.

"I'd love to, I'd _really _love to... but my dad won't let me date. He's really crazy-strict about it, and since I still live at home..." she trailed off, watching Pein's face. He frowned briefly and muttered something like

"Forgot about that..." Then he gave her a small, playful smile. 'Playful' was a weird look for him, decked out as he was- entirely black outfit complete with more piercings than she could count, chains, multiple belts, the whole package.

"Couldn't you just... keep it a secret?" he asked her softly, almost purring. _Oh, god... _Konan took a step back, opening and closing her mouth before she could find her voice again.

"Um... um... If my cousin decides to go, too.. Maybe we could go to Bee's party together next weekend? If you want." Oh, god, she sounded like such a moron. But Pein just flashed her a smile, said 'sure', and walked away.

She stared after him for a few seconds before turning to face her locker again and biting her fist. "Yes!" she said happily. She tried to remember what she was supposed to be doing before shrugging and closing her locker door.

"Hi!" She turned, surprised, to meet the bright brown eyes of that friendly guy opening his locker next to her and giving her a nice smile.

"Hey Yahiko!" he said, grinning back. "How are your classes going?" Yahiko made a face of mock-horror as he began to shove textbooks into his locker. She laughed.

"You can do it!" she said, giving him a thumbs-up. "I'm not going to say 'it gets better', but you'll definitely get used to it." Yahiko grimaced.

"I hope so. The rest of my classes are okay, it's just French." Konan swung her backpack onto one shoulder and leaned against her locker.

"You could always drop it, or switch to another language course. It's still early in the term." Yahiko shook his head, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"I was thinking about it, but I really like the language... it's just there's so much grammar work, which I suck at. I dunno." he laughed. "Do you know any French tutors?" Konan smiled and tilted her head to one side.

"As it happens, yes I do." Yahiko's eyes lit up.

"Really? That's awesome!"

"Uh-huh. You're looking at her." His jaw dropped, like he couldn't believe his luck. He was so enthusiastic. And cute. Like a puppy.

"Are you serious? That's really cool! But... I mean, do you have time?" he asked, shutting his locker and snapping the lock.

"I don't have classes on Monday. Have you got any breaks then?"

"I don't have class on Monday, either, actually." Konan smiled.

"Okay. I'll meet you in the caf on Monday at... eleven? How does that sound?" Yahiko gave her a huge smile.

"That sounds awesome. Thank you so much!"

"Easy, boy. You don't even know if I'm a good tutor or not yet." she said, giving a Zac Efron wink and then instantly regretting it, as usual. "See you then!"

"Bye!"

Konan headed towards her class, making a mental note to talk to Deidara after school. All she had to do was convince him to go to Bee's party, and she'd have an entire night to hang out with Pein. But Deidara was so stubborn... She squared her jaw and walked determinedly down the hallway.

She could be stubborn, too.

_**Yahiko**_

"Ok, it has been like three weeks, she is officially super awesome, what should I do?" he asked Hidan as they sat down behind the bus stop again. (Of all people. Why had he not made any other friends?)

He had met up with Konan for tutoring two days ago, and yeah. She was really, really nice. And really pretty. And just generally one of the most awesome people he'd ever met. She was a really good french tutor, actually. But besides that, yeah, she was really amazing.

She volunteered at the animal shelter where he'd gotten his dog, who she recognized when he'd shown her a picture of him. She liked windsurfing, going to the aquarium, origami, seasonal Starbucks coffee, building cities out of lego in her room, and she was really excited for Halloween. They had different tastes in music, movies, and video games, and he loved the way she just lit up when he asked her what she liked about Silent Hill. It was actually the cutest thing to watch her talking about things she loved.

She was also incredibly cool- she'd gone on a transfer to France for a year in high school, had _actually touched Beyonce's hand _while she walked down the carpet to the VMAs, and was in the animation program, which, hands-down, was just super cool.

Basically, Yahiko had a ginormous crush on her.

"Ok, dolphin dong, this is your next move." Hidan said loudly, crushing his beer can in his fist and chucking it at a passing freshman. Yahiko cringed.

"Invite her to Bee's party. As long as Deidara goes, her fucktard of a father will let her go."

"Don't you like her dad? He fixed your jaw, right?" Hidan shrugged.

"Yeah, he's cool. Doesn't stop him being a fucktard." Yahiko shook his head, bewildered. Hanging out with Hidan was practically a guarantee of bewilderment. And second-hand embarrassment.

"That doesn't sound hard. I could ask her, just as friends, right? And you can get her cousin to go, right? I mean, you're friends, he'd go to hang out with you, right?" Hidan laughed shortly.

"As fucking if! Deidara hasn't gone to a party with people he _knows _for... Jashin, I dunno. Not since I've known him, at least." Yahiko tilted his head back and groaned.

"Why is this guy so difficult? I haven't even _met _him and already I think he's probably annoying..." Hidan laughed.

"Don't worry. I have a plan."

Yahiko lay down on the grass, kind of dreading what he was about to hear. In what scenario has saying 'I have a plan' ever improved anything? When it came to trying to ask someone to a party, probably never.

"You know that guy Pein?"

"Nope."

"Looks kind of like you, but hotter. Dyed hair. More goth. Lots of piercings." Yahiko frowned.

"You mean the guy who looks like a model for Hot Topic?"

What did it say about him if he supposedly looked like the Hot Topic guy? Probably that he should re-think his hair color, although he couldn't really help being naturally a Weasley look-a-like.

"That's the one."

"Well, what about him?" he asked. Hidan grinned.

"That guy wants to get with Konan, too. I work with one of his friends, who was saying that they've got a bet goi-"

"What? He wants to date her?" Yahiko rubbed a hand over his face, groaning.  
>So not only was Konan basically a galaxy of awesome, but she had the Hot Topic guy after her, too. Ugh.<p>

"Uh... sure." Hidan scratched his nose. "But anyway, that guy's got loads of money. And money is one thing that can get people to do pretty much anything. I once saw that crazy fucker jump off a cliff into this crazy-ass current for a hundred bucks. He couldn't even swim, now that I think about it... 'Course, he was shitfaced. Almost drowned, actually." Hidan trailed off, looking thoughtful. Yahiko gaped at him.

"Point is, Pein's got the same problem you do. You both want to bone a chick who can't do shit unless her cousin gets some, too. So get Pein to pay someone to go out with Deidara." Hidan finished, looking like he wanted Yahiko to praise him.

"Good job." Yahiko said sarcastically. Hidan grinned.

"I know, right? But let me tell ya, whoever you set up to ask Deidara out's gotta have balls of steel. Deidara can be fucking intense. And a dick."

"Konan said he transferred here after an unsuccessful attempt to blow up a teacher at his old school." Yahiko said flatly. Hidan laughed.

"That sounds like him. He's pretty batshit. I had to go to the hospital last year-"

"He was the one who ripped off your jaw!?" Yahiko asked, shocked. Hidan grinned and shook his head.

"Naw. He did bite me though. I was messing around, and he got really pissed, and yeah. To the bone. I had to get stitches." Yahiko shook his head. He sounded pretty insane.

"So anyway. You know anybody sufficiently iron-balled and desperate for cash for our purposes?" Hidan asked. Yahiko thought for a few seconds.

"Actually... I think I do."

_**Sasori**_

"You want me to what?" Sasori asked flatly. He definitely didn't have the time or patience for this. Although his class was over, he had been planning to keep working on his project until the studio closed. He had _not _planned to have the Hot Topic guy lean against his desk, refusing to move for ten minutes as he spouted a load of shit. In his usual weird, monotonous voice. Like it was cool to sound like an answering machine message.

"I want you to go to Bee's party with Deidara. You know him?" Sasori frowned.

"Nope." He folded his arms, his face impassive. Pein's eyes flicked across the room.

"He's right over there." Sasori looked over, raised an eyebrow, and looked back at Pein.

"Why the hell do you want me to go to a stupid party with him?"

Being totally honest, this was probably the weirdest request he'd ever been given. Pein just fingered one of his sixteen or so ear piercings and snapped his gum. Very intimidating.

"I want to fuck his cousin, but her dad's overprotective. And she actually listens to him. So she won't go to the party unless he goes, too."

"That is absolutely none of my business. Not only that, but I don't give a crap. Now go away." Pein's lip twitched and he reached for his wallet, pulling out two crisp fifties.

"I'll pay you." Sasori raised his eyebrows, looking from Pein's face to the money. He couldn't believe this.

"You're going to _pay _me to get some guy to go to a party?"

"Yes."

"You're going to pay me a hundred bucks?" Sasori asked, looking over at Deidara again.

He appeared to be arguing with Pein's stupid friend, Tobi. He seized Tobi the collar of his shirt, spun him around, shoved a firecracker in his pants, and pushed him out into the hallway. There was a loud bang and a shrill scream.

Sasori looked back at Pein, who closed his eyes and pulled another fifty out of his wallet.

"One fifty. Take him to Bee's party."

He shut his wallet and walked out of the studio. Sasori looked down at the money on his desk and scowled. Yes, he needed the money- although his parents had left him enough to go to college, it didn't cover everything, and he refused any money his grandmother tried to give him. After all, she didn't have much, herself. He had a job outside of school, true, but it wasn't really enough to cover rent, food, and all the supplies he needed for school.

So yeah. A hundred and fifty bucks wouldn't hurt at all. But... _God, _did it really have to be Deidara...? He shrugged and was turning back to his project when someone yelled loudly, making him jump.

"Deidara! There you are, you crazy bitch!" Sasori didn't even need to look. Deidara knew some of the weirdest people in the entire school. Judging by the loud voice and the unnecessary profanity, this was Hidan. The guy who recently gave someone third-degree facial burns. Sasori picked up his V-tool and glanced up. Some kid was standing next to his desk. Some irritatingly tall kid, to be more precise.

"Yes?" he asked, releasing his most impatient-sounding sigh. The kid just smiled awkwardly.

"Hi. Um, I'm in your French class-"

"Can't help. I suck at French. Get a tutor." Sasori said, turning back to his work.

"No, no, it's not about French. Pein just came to see you, right? He just gave you money to get that blond guy to go to a party, right?" Sasori kept working. "It's just, I'm just letting you know that we set that up."

Sasori turned around, folding his arms over his chest. This guy clearly was not going to go away. He looked him over. He kind of looked like Pein, actually, but he was a little shorter. Still annoyingly tall, though. And he had kind of big brown eyes. And Ron Weasley hair. And a Wonder Woman t-shirt. Sasori smirked. He kind of looked like a dork, if he was totally honest.

"You're telling me that you got that Edward Cullen wannabe to pay me to get that blond maniac to go to a party? Why the hell would you do that?" The boy nodded, looking a little uncomfortable.

"...Yeah. It sounds really weird when you say it-"

"It is weird."

"Well, it was Hidan's plan, so..." Sasori just raised his eyebrows. Going along with one of Hidan's plans... how dumb was this guy?

"Anyway, it's just that I really want to ask out Konan-"

"Who?"

"Deidara's cousin. She's really awesome." God help him, the kid looked like he was about to sprout a wagging tail. "But her dad won't let her date anyone unless-"

"I don't care." Sasori said pointedly, picking up his hand drill and pressing the trigger switch, kind of enjoying the kid's worried expression.

"Um, please don't drill me."

"Hmm." Sasori just smirked. The boy cleared his throat.

"Anyway, basically, my name's Yahiko... I set this up so I can go out with Konan, not Pein. And so, if you um, need help, or info about what Deidara likes or something, I can... help." He really looked like he wanted to run away. It was pretty hilarious.

Sasori started up the drill again and drilled through the textbook in the kid's hand.

"I'll think about it." he said, and turned back to his work, grinning.

He finished up a couple of hours later and walked out of the studio, slinging his bag over his shoulder, the money shoved into his pocket.

"See you later, Deidara." he said over his shoulder as he left. He knew without looking that Deidara was probably glaring at him. As usual. He smirked.

Maybe this would actually be fun.

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><p>Hope you guys liked this chapter! I promise there will be way more SasoDei in the next chapter, I just had to get it all set up before introducing them. Please favoritefollow & **review**!


	2. The way you cut your hair

**(I HATE) the way you cut your hair**

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><p>Hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you for the reviews!<p>

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><p><em><strong>Yahiko<strong>_

"I still can't believe we got them both on board. Both of them!" Yahiko said, flopping down into a booth at Burger King. Hidan slid into the seat opposite, dumping the tray of food down onto the table.

"Told ya it would work. Pein was such a fucking pushover, I don't get why people think he's some kind of badass..."

"Who thinks that? He looks like a taller version of a ninth-grade goth who pierced himself in the dark. No, he looks like a prep-hating 'goffick' vampire-wizard." Yahiko said with a grin.

"What the fuck?"

"Never mind. But yeah, how did you get him to agree?"

Hidan had been 'in charge' of convincing Pein to pay Sasori to take Deidara to the party, and Yahiko had been in charge of letting Sasori know who was really pulling the strings behind the whole thing. Now that they'd actually done it, though, Yahiko felt pretty uncomfortable. He kind of felt like a dick.

"I feel like a dick about it, though." he confessed. Hidan glanced at him, his cheeks stretched full of burger. He made a vague effort to chew and swallow before responding.

"Whatcha talkin' about? You feel like a dick? Still look like a pussy to me."

"Thanks." Yahiko rolled his eyes. "Anyway, how did you get Pein to agree? I'd have thought he'd just ignore her dad's rule and ask her out anyway."

"He was going to. But he said that she actually listens to her dad and said no." Hidan took another huge bite of his burger. Yahiko dipped a fry in ketchup and bit it. "I told him your idea, and in exchange I got him to recommend me to model for Hot Topic." Yahiko nearly choked on his fry.

"W-what? He actually _is _a Hot Topic model? And since when do you want to model?" Hidan just laughed.

"'Course he models for them. Everyone knows about that. And fuck no, I don't want to be a pussy-ass model! I just couldn't think of anything else at the time! I could always just show up at the gig and sacrifice them all to Jashin..." Yahiko shook his head, laughing.

"Oh, my _god_... I can't believe he agreed to that..." Hidan shrugged, shoving a handful of chicken nuggets into his mouth.

"Yeah, well. But why did you suggest that scrawny ass redhead to be our guy? He looks like he's fifteen." Hidan asked. Yahiko smiled.

"I have French with him. He's pretty... how should I put it. There are a lot of crazy stories about him. Apparently he tried to poison one of his project partners last year. And he makes iron maidens for most of his projects. Working ones. Also he's kind of a dick. So I thought Sasori would be-"

"Back the fuck up. Sasori? Sasori Akasuna?" Hidan asked, leaning forward, his mouth completely full of food. Yahiko nodded, puzzled. Hidan snorted.

"Perfect. Fucking perfect. This is better than I thought."

"Do you know him?"

"Nope. But Deidara hates him. And by hates, I mean he wants to fuck him to death." Yahiko cleared his throat.

"Um... good?" Hidan nodded._  
><em>

"So now you've just got one thing to do." He pointed at Yahiko.

"You've got to ask Big Blue to the party." Yahiko took a bite of his burger.

"Mhmm."

_**Deidara**_

Deidara walked into the computer lab and sat down at an empty desk. He spun the chair around a couple times before rolling towards the monitor and switching it on. He plugged in his earphones. After a few seconds, he was logged into Youtube and playing his playlist composed exclusively of bomb explosions. He turned the sound down a little and took out his sketchbook. He doodled a couple designs, aware that he should do some homework, but he was waiting for his headache to go away.

Not only that, but he really wasn't in the mood for chemistry. He _knew _how to make a bomb. Everyone knew he knew. And everyone knew they worked. And yet he still had to do all the stupid calculations and hand in all the stupid homework. That wasn't art at all.

He glanced up as a shadow fell across his desk and scowled, pulling out one of his earphones. Sasori Akasuna was, for some reason, standing in front of him, looking like he'd just crawled out of bed. His dark red hair was rumpled like he'd been dragged backwards through a hedge, and his heavily lidded eyes were shadowed. It felt a little late to say anything, so Deidara just sat there and glared. As usual. He had never actually _said _anything to Sasori, despite the fact that they'd had a class together every week for the last half-year. Whatever. He was an arrogant dickhead.

"How are you today, Deidara?"

Dear god, he'd said something. And he was smirking. Deidara's lip twitched involuntarily. There were several reasons why he had never spoken to Sasori. First and foremost, he was a pretentious, sarcastic asshole. The second reason was because Sasori hated him, too. And the third was probably because of that smirk.

Sasori Akasuna was short. Short, skinny, and pale as a grandma's ass. But the things he did have going for him were really, infuriatingly, agonizingly attractive. His hair. His I-was-just-fucked-_so-hard _hair. His eyes. His heavily lidded, bedroom eyes. His soft, breathy voice. The kind of voice you could too easily imagine saying the dirtiest things into your ear. And his smirk. That goddamn smirk.

Deidara vividly remembered the first time he'd seen it. His first day at this college, he had met Hidan, who had called him 'Barbie Doll'. And he'd taken Hidan's cigarette and outed it on the back of his hand. And he'd looked up to see Sasori smirking at him as he walked past. Never before had Deidara so desperately wanted to simultaneously punch someone and fuck their brains out. That smirk was the most dangerous sexual weapon in the world, so Deidara purposefully kept his distance.

Deidara just continued to glare, hoping he'd go away, as usual. Although, according to what 'as usual' normally meant, Sasori would have just walked to an empty table without saying anything. So this was already a strange situation.

Sasori just stood there. Smirking. Deidara's scowl deepened. Was he just going to wait until he said something? Were they really just going to stare each other down in silence until one of them broke? What was this, silence chicken? Finally, Deidara gave in.

"Do you need something?" he asked bluntly. Sasori's smirk widened. Fuck.

"I don't need anything." he said softly, looking at Deidara with what was plainly amusement in his eyes. "But I do _want _something."

"And what would that be? A personality?" Deidara asked irritably. Sasori pushed his lips out and raised his eyebrows.

"Ouch." Deidara rolled his eyes and pretended to be doing something important on the computer.

"Finding new explosions to listen to?" Sasori asked, tilting his head a little and grinning as he slipped his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. Deidara paused.

"How did you know-"

"I know a lot more than you think." Sasori said, scuffing his shoe on the floor. Deidara scowled and looked down.

"Doubtful." Sasori didn't say anything, but he picked up Deidara's pen and wrote something on the sketchbook. Deidara kept his gaze fixed on the floor.

"Why won't you look at me? Are you scared of me?" Sasori's voice was soft.

Deidara looked up angrily, to find that he'd leaned forward. His soft breath fanned over Deidara's nose as he got a full-force bedroom eyes gaze, complete with parted lips. _Fuck. _

"Maybe you're not scared of me. But you've definitely thought about me naked." Sasori said, smirking. Deidara felt his whole body bristle with irritation. He rolled his chair away and folded his arms.

"What the hell? You're pretty confident, considering you've got the body of the scrawniest twelve-year-old in the world coupled with the personality of a sewer rat. Just say what you've got to say and piss off, un."

Sasori pressed a thumb to his bottom lip and smiled. Like a fucking pin-up model.

"That's pretty rude."

"You're pretty rude." Deidara retorted. Definitely not his finest comeback. Sasori laughed softly. Deidara closed his eyes and pressed a fist against his forehead.

"Look, I have some work I'm supposed to be doing. Is there anything you actually wanted to say, or are you just being a dickhead?"

"Come to Bee's party with me this Saturday." Deidara blinked at him.

"What?" Sasori ran a hand through his hair. He looked almost self-conscious.

"I want you to come to Bee's party on Saturday. With me." Deidara stared at him.

"Are you... what the... I don't..." Sasori was grinning at him.

"You're blushing." he said, reaching forward and poking Deidara's forehead. Deidara grabbed his wrist and twisted it downwards, watching as Sasori's face twitched in pain.

"Don't fuck with me, un. Why the hell would I go anywhere with you? Now leave me the fuck alone!" The computer lab went quiet, and Deidara knew people were watching them. He let go of Sasori's wrist, but didn't stop glaring at him until he'd left the room.

"See you in class." Sasori called behind him.

Deidara shut his eyes and clenched his fists. His face felt hot and blood was pounding in his ears. Finally the other people in the lab started talking again. Deidara sighed, leaned back in his chair and spun it a few times.

"Fuck." he muttered.

He didn't want to think about what had just happened. He didn't want to think about how embarrassingly turned on he had been. He didn't want to wonder if Sasori had actually been asking him out, or had just been messing with him. Finally, he rubbed his face and rolled his chair back to his desk, pulling his sketchbook towards him.

He glanced at an unfamiliar marking on the page and frowned, sticking out his bottom lip. Now that he thought about it, Sasori had written something on it. He turned the book around and glared down at the messy writing on the corner; '_I'm being serious just so u know'. _Deidara stared straight ahead, chewing the inside of his lip. Then he tore out the page, crumpled it up, and tossed it at the guy in front of him.

"Fucking... _ugh_." Deidara muttered to himself, furiously busying himself with his chemistry homework, his ears bright red._  
><em>

_**Sasori**_

Sasori walked down the hallway towards the cafeteria, rotating his wrist and trying not to smile. That had gone pretty well, considering. Deidara could actually be kind of cute, even when he was being aggressive. Which, granted, was 90% of the time. Sasori grinned.

Being honest with himself, as much as he needed some extra money, he probably wouldn't have agreed to Pein's 'deal' if it had been anyone other than Deidara. He had been pissing Sasori off since he'd first arrived at the school. For one thing, Sasori had overheard him saying one of his displayed projects wasn't 'real art', which irked him to no end, considering Deidara's idea of artistic perfection was a stupid bomb. For another, he was exactly the sort of person who Sasori found irritating- he would come to class when he pleased, not caring at all if his tardiness inconvenienced anyone else. And he was pretty bratty and immature.

Not that he had actually ever had a conversation with Deidara until now, but Sasori was a keen observer. And so far, his observation of Deidara had confirmed that he was an irritating, immature, bomb-crazy nutcase with tasteless tattoos on the palms of his hands, of all places. However, he was also...

Sasori scratched the back of his head as he entered the cafeteria and made a beeline for the fridge. He took out a chocolate milk, grabbed a straw, and lined up to pay. He dropped two dollars into the cashier's hand and walked towards the corner full of sofas, eventually flopping down into an empty armchair. He shoved the straw into the milk, folded an arm behind his head, and considered why exactly he paid so much attention to Deidara._  
><em>

For the entire time they'd had classes together, Deidara had not said a single thing to Sasori. He had just glared at him in a manner which Deidara probably thought was aggressive. He would follow Sasori with his eyes, his long, dark blonde hair covering part of his face, his bottom lip stuck out slightly. Sasori found it very distracting.

At first he had just vaguely wondered what Deidara's problem was, but a few classes later, when Sasori had smiled at him absentmindedly, Deidara had stared at him open-mouthed and dazed for a few seconds, then had sat down and turned around, looking absolutely furious, his ears bright red. And from that day on, Sasori had entertained himself by silently flirting with Deidara whenever he was bored. It was really fun.

Sasori twirled his straw around with his tongue, thoughtfully. Although he'd agreed to do it just for the money and for the opportunity to mess with Deidara... he had to admit, Deidara was actually kind of hot. That was a simple fact. Objectively, yes, he was attractive. He had straight teeth, he had relatively large, slanted blue eyes. His skin was tanned, he was very fit, and his long hair looked fun to bury your hands in and grip it. And his verbal tic was actually pretty cute.

Sasori shook his head. This was a job. A _job_. And an opportunity to mess with Deidara. Not an opportunity to imagine grabbing him by the hair and pulling him close enough to-

Sasori choked on his chocolate milk. What the _fuck _was he imagining!?

_**Hidan**_

"How's it hanging, blondie?" Hidan asked, ruffling Deidara's hair before sitting the wrong way around in a wheeling chair and spinning himself a couple times.

He was grinning- he couldn't help it. Deidara had texted him twenty minutes ago, asking him to meet him in the study hall's computer lab, and judging by how pissed he looked, Hidan was pretty sure he knew what Deidara wanted to talk about. Deidara scowled at him, snapped 'Don't call me that', then rolled his chair over to Hidan.

"This has been the single most bizarre and awful day of my entire life, un." Hidan tried to stop grinning, and failed. Whatever.

"What's up? You sad cuz you haven't made anyone explode yet?" Deidara gave him a look and rubbed his face.

"No. Well, yeah, but it's not that. You know that dickhead in my class, Sasori?"

"The Sasori you talk about practically every fucking day?" Deidara shot him a look.

"I do _not_. But yeah, that one." Hidan spun his chair around, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling spinning above him. "Hey, why aren't you at work?" Deidara asked, apparently just then realizing Hidan should be on his shift.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. They fired me. That fuckface Asuma took the whole coffee thing personally, I guess. Bastard got me kicked out." Hidan said, only a little bitterly. That job was shitty anyway. But the coffee had been free... Deidara snorted.

"Well, I'm not surprised. You could have blinded him."

"Naw. He's just being a pussy. Anyway, why the fuck did you make me haul my ass all the way over here just to talk about that shit-stain Asuma?"

"I didn't. I called you here to complain about Sasori, un." Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Fire away."

As usual, there was a five-minute-long angsty monologue about Sasori's "stupid face", which then segued into a ten minute rant which was basically "Who the fuck does he think he is?" and "most arrogant, creepy, _annoying_ asshole ever" on repeat. Finally it got to the good stuff.

"...and then, you know what he does? He asks me to some weirdo's party! Like, he _asked me out_. Like, had it been anyone but Sasori, that's the kind of thing that would count asking asking someone out. But it's Sasori, so obviously he's just being a dickhead. But then he wrote some shit on my sketchbook... but the weirdest thing is that it seems like everybody's asking me to go to this dumb party, un." Hidan looked up.

"What?" Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Have you been listening?"

"Actually, yeah. Who else asked you to Bee's party?"

"Who the hell is Bee?"

"Doesn't matter, he's some guy, he's invited the whole school to a party. But who else asked you?" Deidara sighed and tossed his hair over his shoulder. Like a Barbie doll in the commercials.

"Konan was bugging me about it a couple days ago."

"Your cousin was?" That wasn't really surprising, if Big Blue wanted to go with Pein. Deidara nodded.

"Yeah. She really wants to go, and she can't unless I go..."

"So, are you gonna go?" Hidan asked, trying to sound nonchalant. Deidara narrowed his eyes and twisted his mouth.

"No way. I mean, maybe I would have, since Konan asked me-"

"No you wouldn't."

"You're right, I wouldn't have. But I'd've felt bad, at least. But there's no _way _I'm going now that fucking Sasori asked me. Like, I know he was just messing with me... I think... But like... ugh. No way." Hidan groaned and scratched the back of his head.

"Why the fuck are you so stubborn? Make your cousin happy! Jashin knows she puts up with enough of your bitching to deserve one night of getting shitfaced. And fuck Sasori."

"Literally!?" Deidara's ears turned red. Hidan grinned. How fucking obvious could he be?

"Only if you want to, which, _of course, _you don't. I meant fuck him figuratively. Who cares if he's gonna be there? Turn up, break a bottle, shove it down his throat, problem solved. Konan has fun. You come hang out with me." Deidara frowned.

"I dunno, I don't like going to school parties... I hate meeting people outside of class..." Hidan kicked Deidara's chair, sending him rolling away.

"Don't pussy out! If you won't do it for me, do it for your cousin! Come on, you like her. She's one of, like, literally _two _people you're nice to. So fucking be nice!" Hidan said as he got up.

"I'm gonna go get some food, I'm so fucking hungry my stomach's eating my brain."

"Well _that's _pretty obvious, bonehead. See you." Deidara called after him.

Hidan grinned. He was pretty sure Deidara would go to the party if Konan asked again. Maybe they wouldn't need Sasori's services, after all.

But it was fucking hilarious to watch Deidara try and pretend he wasn't thirsty as fuck for that guy.

_**Yahiko **_

Yahiko walked into the woodworking studio, feeling nervous. And then annoyed at himself for feeling nervous- yes, this whole paying-Sasori-by-proxy-to-take-out-Deidara-for-entirely-selfish-reasons was a legitimate reason to feel uncomfortable talking to the guy, but for god's sake, he was what, five foot five? And pretty scrawny. But then Yahiko remembered the hole in his French textbook.

"You look lost." Yahiko wheeled around to find Sasori walking past him with a can of varnish.

"Um, hi. Uh, I just wanted to ask how things went today...?" He self-consciously made an effort to look casual, resting his hand on Sasori's desk.

"Don't touch that." Yahiko quickly removed the offending hand. "What do you mean 'how things went'?" Sasori dipped a brush into the varnish and began painting it over the large wooden shell of what looked like a highly dangerous piece of furniture. If it was indeed furniture. It looked creepily humanoid.

"It's just, Hidan talked to Deidara a while ago, and he was really... pissed off." Sasori glanced at him and grinned. Yahiko swallowed- this guy... this guy was actually really attractive. In a scary way. But still.

"'Pissed off', huh? That's a good sign."

"Is it?" Yahiko asked, surprised. Sasori just smirked and continued to apply the varnish.

"Listen, kid-"

"Yahiko." It shouldn't bug him, but '_kid_'? Really? From a guy who looked fifteen at most?

"Don't interrupt." Sasori's soft voice switched suddenly to an authoritative snap, making Yahiko jump. "Listen, how well do you know Deidara?"

"I don't know him at all." Yahiko admitted. Sasori raised an eyebrow and smirked again.

"That's what I thought. As a rule, if Deidara is angry at me, or complaining about me, or anything like that... it is not a bad sign. In fact, it's probably the opposite." Yahiko blinked.

"You're really confident." Sasori put down the brush and placed his hands down on the desk, leaning towards Yahiko.

"You were the one who suggested me for the job, right? Why?" Yahiko fidgeted under Sasori's heavily-lidded gaze. He wasn't sure if he should say 'because I find you intimidating' or not.

"It was kind of on a whim. I thought you'd probably be able to handle his... er... aggression." Sasori raised an eyebrow and smiled slightly.

"Very good. What did Hidan say when you suggested me?" Yahiko rubbed the back of his head, trying to remember.

"Um, something... When I told him your name, I think he laughed, and then he said that Deidara hated you... and then he said-" Yahiko stopped himself. Sasori smirked.

"What did he say?"

"Um, I can't quite remembe-"

"Yes, you can. What did he say?" Sasori pressed. Yahiko shifted awkwardly. Somehow, he felt like Sasori knew exactly what Hidan had said, and he was just making Yahiko say it to make a point. No, he was probably doing it to make Yahiko uncomfortable. Damn.

"He said that Deidara hates you, and that he wants to fuck you to death." Sasori raised his eyebrows, grinning.

"Really?" Yahiko frowned at him.

"Yeah..."

Was it just him, or was Sasori looking kind of... pleased? And not just in a 'ha-ha that makes my job easier' way. He shook his head. Judging by his impression of Sasori so far, he was probably just thinking of how uncomfortable it would make Deidara if he quoted it back to him. But still, he grinned a little. Maybe this whole thing would result in a matchmaking scenario for more people than he'd hoped.

"Well, there you go. So don't worry about me. Deidara will definitely go to the party." Sasori said smugly, picking up his brush again and gesturing at Yahiko with it. "

Now, piss off." Yahiko didn't need telling twice.

_**Konan**_

"Are you serious?" Konan gaped at Deidara, who was sitting across from her, leaning against the window, sulking with his entire body. "You'd do that for me?" Deidara tossed his hair and rolled his eyes.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I've been kind of a dick to you... and you always do nice stuff for me, so I guess I should return the favour at least once..." Konan beamed at him as she picked up her pumpkin spice latte, warming her fingers on it. "Well, that's what you say, but why this party? I ask you to come do stuff all the time, and you always say no." It was true. Konan had gotten him to do about six things since he'd come to stay with them last year. Of those six, only two involved interacting with other people. Deidara scowled.

"Hey, hey, shut up or I'll change my mind, un." Konan smiled, knowing he wouldn't- Deidara was stubborn, antagonistic, and a little immature, but he always kept his word. At least he did for her.

"Do you have a date?" she asked, taking a sip of her latte and smiling at him. It was kind of mean, but teasing Deidara was one of her most rewarding hobbies. His ears immediately went pink.

"Hell, no." His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Do _you_?" Konan bit her lips.

"Um... well, maybe...?" Deidara raised his eyebrows, and, as always, she spilled the beans.

"Okay, yes, kind of... yes! I'm pretty sure!" Deidara snorted, reaching for his coffee.

"What, did they ask you out in riddles?" Konan blew a raspberry at him.

"No, he did not. It's like, he asked if I wanted to go out on Saturday, which obviously I did, but you know... Daddy..." She scowled. "But then I suggested the party, hoping that _for once _you might come, and you are, so yay! Yes! I'm pretty sure it's a date!" Deidara raised his coffee in a mock-toast to her.

"So who is the unlucky guy?" Konan beamed.

"Okay, you know that really, really hot guy in our year?" Deidara took a big gulp of his coffee. "He's tall, with orange hair, lots of piercings, wears black all the time? Really, really hot?" Deidara frowned slowly.

"...The Hot Topic Model?" he asked suspiciously. Konan nodded.

"Uh-huh! I'm going to the party with him! I'm excited, but also nervous... I mean, sorry to share, but I've had a crush on him for like, a year..." She trailed off, looking at Deidara's face.

"What's up?"

"Burnt my tongue. Anyway... I've got class, actually... soon... so I'll see you later. Bye." He flashed her a smile, grabbed his coffee and his bag, and walked quickly out of the Starbucks. Konan watched him go.

"I wonder what's up with him?" she murmured.

_**Deidara**_

Yeah, he had totally lied about having a class to go to. But he hadn't really wanted to answer Konan's inevitable question- "Do you know him?" Deidara scowled and turned left, heading for the old baseball field instead of the school. He kind of wished she'd mentioned she was going to the party with _him _before he'd agreed to go... maybe he could just not turn up. But he didn't want to let her down again. He chugged the rest of his coffee, actually burning his tongue this time, and chucked the empty cup into a recycling bin. _  
><em>

It wasn't her fault, at all. He'd never told her that Pein was his ex-boyfriend. Besides, he wasn't such a dick that he'd forbid her from ever dating him, even if they really liked each other. He was only irritated by it because he was pretty sure that Pein didn't give a shit about her. He scuffed his shoe on the sidewalk as he waited at a red light, scowling. Maybe he was being over-protective. But why the hell did Pein have to mess around with Konan, who was genuinely a nice person?

It wasn't like he could really tell her not to go out with him... that would just sound really controlling and bitter. Besides, she could take care of herself, and she should make her own choices. He fisted his hair and tugged it, his exasperation and frustration intermingling.

Ugh. The whole day had been a confusing shitfest. First Sasori, then Hidan acting weird, now this... annoying new development.

Deidara walked across the old baseball diamond, slipped into the dugout, and sat down on one of the few intact benches. The place had had rezoning signs up for the past eight months, but the city still hadn't gotten around to razing it and building their apartment complex, or whatever it was.

Deidara snorted, wondering if one of the reasons they'd been holding off was because of the regular complains of explosions. Maybe they thought there were old landmines under it or something. He grinned and opened his bag, taking out his supplies. He had just started to soften the putty when he heard a voice -a horribly familiar voice- say his name. He looked up.

_**Sasori**_

"What the hell are you doing here?" Deidara was plainly too surprised to be angry. Sasori grinned.

"That's pretty rude, Deidara." He said his name slowly, letting it roll off of his tongue. He watched as Deidara shifted uncomfortably. So easy to read.

"You're pretty rude." Deidara mumbled, scowling. Cute.

"So, have you given any more thought to my offer?" Sasori asked, slipping his hands into the pockets of his sweater. He walked into the dugout and leaned against the chain-link fence opposite Deidara, who glared up at him. Sasori glanced around, musing that it would be a pretty good place to make out.

"No, I haven't."

"Ah, so you're going with your gut instinct, which naturally was to accept?" Deidara folded his arms across his chest and lifted his chin defiantly.

"You're pretty cocky, aren't you?" Sasori grinned.

"You have no idea." Deidara's ears went red. Sasori could barely contain himself- this was the most fun he'd had in a while. He thought again of what Yahiko had told him... "Fuck him to death", eh?

"Why are you smiling? You look stupid, un." Deidara said, tossing his hair and looking away.

"I was just thinking that this would be a good place to make out." Deidara turned back and glared up at him. Of course.

"Look, can you just fuck off? I already said I'm not-" he stopped. Sasori arched an eyebrow.

"Are you coming to the party, then?" Deidara scowled, tugging irritably at his half-ponytail.

"Well, I am, but not-"

"Glad you've accepted my offer." Sasori said with a smirk, turning and walking out of the dugout. "I'll pick you up at nine-thirty." He walked away, ignoring Deidara's protests. This had been a lot easier than he'd thought.

"Hey! Pretty boy!" Deidara grabbed his shoulder and swung him around. "I am _not _going with you, un!" Deidara insisted. Sasori raised his eyebrows, grinning.

"Did... Did you just call me pretty?" he laughed. Immediately the glower was wiped off of Deidara's face. He went pink.

"N..No-" Sasori pressed a hand against his mouth, really laughing now.

"Yeah, you did. You think I'm pretty, huh? That's so sweet, Deidara!" Deidara's face was darkening into a deep scowl. Pretty hot.

"It's a saying! It's an _insult_! People say it all the time! I didn't- I wasn't-" No way was he getting off that easy. Sasori tried to muffle his laughter, feeling he might be getting punched soon.

"You literally called me a pretty boy. You think I'm _pretty_. There's no use denying it now, Deidara." God help him, Deidara looked like he wanted to tear him limb from limb. He took a deep breath, obviously trying to calm himself down.

"Okay. I do _not _think you're pretty. I think you're gross and a complete dickhead. And I am _not _going to the party with you, un. Now leave me the fuck alone." Deidara said, as calmly as he could. He turned around and started walking back to the dugout. Sasori grinned after him.

"Whatever you say, cutie pie." He laughed again as Deidara gave him the finger.

"See you Saturday!" he called over his shoulder.

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><p>hope you enjoyed this chapter! a lot more SasoDei, of course. And this is how it's gonna stay! Please followfavourite/review!


	3. The way you drive my car

**(I HATE) the way you drive my car**

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><p>Please reviewfavorite/follow! :) Thank you very much for the feedback so far!

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><p><em><strong>Konan<strong>_

She couldn't believe it. Deidara was actually going to the party! And the party was tomorrow! And she was going with _Pein! _She shut the door of her car, locked it, and put in her headphones as she walked toward the forest trail, smiling to herself.

She liked running, especially when she was excited for something- it put her energy to good use. If she didn't run, she found herself making hundreds of paper cranes and butterflies. It was annoying- when other people got antsy, they did something productive like clean their room, bake, garden, or even study. Konan just folded paper. So running was clearly the best option. At least, it was the option that kept her room relatively empty of armies of origami.

Although, he had looked pretty angry for the past couple days. Which, in itself, was not exactly unusual, but she still felt bad... Normally, she would have already given in and said he didn't have to go, but this time, she was determined to stay tough and make him stick it out. After all, maybe he might make a few more friends!

Konan rolled her eyes, thinking of the only 'friend' he'd made so far- the friend he'd made by giving him a cigarette burn. That had healed remarkably quickly, now that she thought of it, but perhaps Hidan's body was just used to abuse. Which would be absolutely awful, except that it was usually warranted. Konan shuddered, thinking of the now horribly blistered face of that third year, Asuma.

"I hope Deidara makes some normal friends..." Konan murmured as she stretched out her legs, back, and shoulders. She set off down the path, her fingers tugging her sweater sleeves over her hands as it began to rain. Well, her city wasn't advertised as being 'the rainiest place within two hundred miles' for nothing. She pulled her hood over her head and picked up the pace.

After about a half hour, she heard a bicycle behind her and moved to one side of the path to accommodate it. As they passed, Konan grinned, recognizing the hair, and having a pretty good hunch about exactly who was wearing that faded Beyonce t-shirt.

"Hey!" she called out, a little breathless. "Yahiko!" Yahiko slowed down and looked behind him. His face broke out into a big grin.

"Hey Konan!" He stopped to let her catch up, then started pedaling slowly beside her.

"Do you bike here a lot?" Konan asked. Yahiko shrugged.

"Not 'a lot'... I take classes at the community centre on Sundays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I usually bike home this way. I guess this is where you go running?"

"Uh-huh." Konan panted. God her chest hurt. A painful reminder to buy a new sports bra. Ugh. She had been procrastinating on going shopping for way too long.

She side-eyed Yahiko, kind of trying not to smirk. Along with the Beyonce shirt, which was now soaked through, he wore a canvas backpack, a red towel draped over his neck (which clashed almost eye-wateringly with his hair), what she assumed were his sister's hello kitty flipflops, and a pair of rather short shorts that would not have looked particularly out of place in a Wham! music video. Had he burst suddenly into "Wake me up before you go-go", she would not have been entirely surprised.

"What kind of classes do you take, then?" she asked.

"Um, capoeira." Konan stared at him for a few seconds, said "Oh, cool!", and looked straight ahead. She would _never ever _have pegged him as a martial arts guy. Especially not in those shorts. She grinned.

"That's really cool." she said, shaking her head. She glanced up.

"Thanks..." He murmured shyly. Aw! She'd embarrassed him. A crack of thunder made her look up at the sky, frowning.

"Urgh..." she said, noticing the clouds had darkened significantly. Yahiko glanced up, too.

"I guess it was pretty humid today. ...Are you ok?" He glanced at her. He looked worried. What was she doing?

"Are you... Are you okay with thunder storms?" He looked like he'd stopped himself from saying 'scared of'. Which she appreciated.

"Um... I'm okay. I like them, a lot... I just really don't like being outside during them." Damnit. The wind was getting really strong, and the rain was starting to come down faster. She really wanted to turn around and go back to the car. The thunder rolled again. She flinched.

"You're not going to get back to your car in time, especially since you're tired already." Yahiko shook his head and braked. Konan shuffled to a halt, too, looking around warily as the trees started to groan in the wind, feeling antsy and stressed. She hid her face as a cloud of leaves and small debris were tossed into the air around her. She looked up at Yahiko, who seemed to be gesturing... no way.

"What... I can't take your bike."

"It's okay." She shook her head.

"You'd be in a worse state than me if you had to walk in this. I mean, your Daisy Dukes don't exactly cover much." She gestured at his shorts. He laughed.

"Fine. Do you want a ride, then? I can bike you back to your car." Konan looked uncertainly at the bike. The sky lit up with lightning and a branch smacked into her arm as it flew past. That made up her mind.

"If it's okay, um, that would be really-"

"Get on behind me, okay? Sit on the rack."

Konan took his backpack and put it on as he turned the bike around and got on, one foot down, holding it still. The wind was starting to howl, and leaves and dirt and twigs were smacking into the backs of Konan's legs and getting stuck in her hair. She got on the bike and immediately grabbed Yahiko by the waist, pressing her cheek into his back, her eyes shut tight.

"It's okay." he said gently as he adjusted himself. Then he started to pedal, picking up speed with the wind behind them. Thunder boomed suddenly, and she hid her face between her arm and Yahiko's back. Although she was embarrassed that he was basically rescuing her, she would much rather feel awkward for a few minutes than have to make her way back to her car herself, stumbling around in the clouds of fast-moving tree debris, shaking and crying and generally... yeah, it wouldn't be a good situation. She wouldn't call her thing about thunderstorms a phobia, but... it was pretty crippling.

"Is this your car?" Konan opened her eyes into a squint. They had stopped. Yahiko was gesturing at her rusty Volkswagen. "Mhm." She felt stiff, but more importantly, the storm was still going strong. She clambered off the bicycle, digging in her pockets for her keys, about to thank Yahiko for the ride and dive into her car when there was a horrible snapping sound and a large branch ripped off of a tree close by and smacked into the ground at her feet, spattering her with gravel.

"Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh my.." she wasn't at all aware that she was speaking until she heard her voice, unsettlingly high and panicked. She clutched her keys, pressed her hands to her ears, shut her eyes, and stumbled to her car, crying. She hit the side and ran her hands over it, feeling desperately for the keyhole, keeping her eyes squeezed shut as a fine dust of tree debris hit her in the face like sleet.

Warm hands covered her own, unclenched her fingers, and took her keys. Yahiko opened the door and guided her down to the seat. Oh, god, she was shaking like crazy.

"Put your bike in the back. Get in." she said through gritted teeth.

"Huh?"

"You heard me." she threw the keys at him, possibly hitting him, and shut the door.

She let her head fall onto the steering wheel and listened to the loud sound of her breathing, too fast and too little, and then too slow and too much. She made an effort to breathe as normally as she could, wiped dirt off of her eyelids, and then opened her eyes. Rain and shredded leaves were pummeling her windscreen. She could hear the somewhat muffled roar of the wind and cracks of thunder. A fork of lightning flashed in her rear-view mirror, far away.

Something dripped onto her hand. She looked down. Blood. She reached up and felt her lip. She had bitten into it deeply. Probably on the bike ride. She started the car, trying to get a grip on her self. She had to get the heating going. She stripped off her shoes and socks, having difficulty with her trembling hands, and chucked them into the backseat. She turned on the radio and pressed her hands to the car vents, waiting for them to warm up. She took another deep breath and glanced again into the rear-view mirror, this time seeing her dirty face. It was coated in dirt and shredded leaves. There was blood all over her bottom lip, and she appeared to also have a cut on her forehead. There were bits of leaf and twig in her hair. She grabbed a wet wipe from behind the seat, wiping her face down.

A buzzing sound reminded her that she'd forgotten to take her phone. She reached over and turned the screen on. A missed call from Deidara and three messages; 'Hey are you still running? There's supposed to be a storm today.' 'Are you ok?' 'Are you ok to drive home?' She replied with difficulty, her fingers numb and slow-moving. 'Ok inn car Thanks'. Not perfect, but at least he'd know she wasn't cowering in the undergrowth somewhere.

She looked around as the door to the trunk opened, and Yahiko put his bike in. A few seconds later, he unlocked the passenger-side door and flopped into the seat, slamming the door after him. He gave her the keys. She tossed him the packet of wet-wipes. He wiped his face down and opened the door briefly to shake a spider off of his arm. Konan changed the radio station when the flute of 'My heart will go on' started up.

"Uh, thanks for letting me shelter in your car." Yahiko said awkwardly. Konan glanced at him, shaking her hand vaguely. She tried to say 'Don't worry' and 'It's fine' and ended up saying "Don't fine." Yahiko grinned as she shook her head.

"Sorry. It's fine. Obviously you're the real hero of this situation." she said, giving him a shaky smile. It felt weird to talk 'normally' when her hands still hadn't stopped trembling. "Thanks so much for the bike ride." Yahiko just shook his head and looked at his knees.

"Come on, I wasn't gonna just leave you out there." he mumbled. Again, he looked kind of shy. Konan sucked at her bloody bottom lip. She hoped it wasn't going to scab...

"Hey, do you want to get a coffee? I'm freezing, and I don't really want to stay around here, with all these trees..." Konan said, looking warily at the offending trees, which seemed to be fighting a losing battle against the wind. Yahiko's cheeks were pink from cold as he shook his head.

"Thanks, but I should really be getting going-" Konan raised her eyebrows at him.

"Yahiko. Your legs are blue. I insist. Besides, I have to thank you, so I'm going to buy you a coffee, and then we'll be square. Okay?" Yahiko nodded.

"Ok."

Konan sighed, taking a minute to prepare herself. Driving in a storm was _so _much better than walking in a storm. But she still didn't like it much. But come on, who did? Urgh her chest really, really hurt. She rolled her eyes and smacked her hand on the steering wheel, turning to face Yahiko with an appraising look. She didn't like to do this, but she didn't think he would be weird about it. Hopefully.

"Ok, um..." Would it be better to explain, or not explain? "Can you shut your eyes for a few minutes? I'm not doing anything weird, I just... uh, my shirt's wet, and er..."

Yahiko shut his eyes and turned away, folding his arms and leaning against the door. She grinned. That was easy. He definitely had a sister.

She unzipped her sweater, reached inside her shirt, and unfastened the offending sports bra. She rubbed her shoulders and rib cage. God damnit that hurt. She tossed the bra into the back of the car, glanced down at her shirt and flinched.  
>There was a squashed spider on it.<br>Oh, jesus, could this day _get _any more horrifying? She stripped the shirt off and flung it in the back, too, then zipped up her sweater. Yes, it was bizarre to hang out with a guy while wearing almost nothing but a sweater, but fuck it. She was cold, tired, and Yahiko was pretty chill. So screw it.

"Okay, problem solved, here we go." she said brightly, putting the car in gear. "Starbucks, here we come."

_**Yahiko**_

"Okay, I have a problem."

"Uh, yeah, that's fucking obvious." Yahiko rolled his eyes, pinning his phone to his ear with his shoulder as he let himself into his room and tossed his bag down on the floor. He kicked the door shut and fell back onto his bed, rubbing his face. He really should take a shower- although the downpour had mostly washed off his sweat, he was still pretty plastered with bits of leaf.

"Like you're one to talk."

"Although, if you're calling _me_ about it, you clearly do have a problem." Hidan had pretended not to have heard him. Yahiko tipped back the last of his Starbucks and tossed the cup in the general direction of his trashcan.

"Uh, _you_ called m-"

"So what's got your G-string in a knot, pussycakes?" Dear god, was this Hidan's version of a pet name?

"I have to make more friends." Yahiko mumbled. Hidan laughed loudly.

"Why? You've got me!" Hidan quickly asked him what was up before Yahiko could say "Exactly". Yahiko rubbed the back of his head and cringed at the weird crunching noise. He really, _really _needed a shower.

"Okay, so I ran into Konan this afternoon-" Hidan gave an exaggerated groan.

"Don't you talk about anything else? Like, literally fucking anything else would be more interesting."

"Uh, in that case, have you picked a topic for that presentation you have to make next week? Because we're doing something similar in one of my classes, and I was wondering how you have to format your bibliography- my teacher was really vague, so I don't know if Chicago-"

"Shut. The. Ever. Fucking. Fuck. Up. _Please._" Yahiko grinned.

"So, back to this afternoon..." Hidan swore, with much enthusiasm and creativity.

"Fine. What happened?" Yahiko kicked off his flip flops and pushed at his bottom lip with his thumb.

"I think I have really big crush on her."

"Knew that already."

"So, for the bibliography, would the Chigago manual of style be okay, or maybe MLA...?"

"_Fine_. I pray Jashin seizes you by your fucking weedy-ass throat and shoves you into the shit-glazed asshole of your firstborn son."

"What... the fuck." Yahiko stared at the phone for a few seconds, then shrugged and continued. Sometimes... okay, a lot of the time, he was actually pretty scared of Hidan. He was positive that he was not the only one.

"Anyway... yeah, but like... she is the most awesome person I've ever met. Besides you." he added, rolling his eyes as Hidan started to interrupt indignantly. "I was on my bike, and she called out to me to say hi, and then there was this storm, and she's got this phobia-"

"What were you wearing?" Yahiko frowned.

"Uh, shorts, a shirt, flipflops... why?"

"Just getting a mental picture. This was one of your little girl outfits, right?" He was laughing. Yahiko glanced down at his Hello Kitty flip flops, which he'd gotten for fifty cents at Value Village.

"Uh... Possibly." Hidan snickered.

"Got it. Carry on."

"Basically, she got really freaked out by the storm, so I biked her back to her car, and then she drove us to Starbucks to get me a coffee, and we talked for like... three hours... and she is _so cool_. And _awesome_. And _funny_."

He could never describe how awesome Konan was. His parents had always said that in life, you occasionally meet people who, just for you, seem to hold galaxies inside of them. And you just want to explore them forever, fall straight into their space and never leave. And the most amazing thing about life is that sometimes, those people who hold galaxies within them see galaxies within _you, _and you can exist together, loving and exploring and being constantly amazed and humbled and awed by them. Konan had so many galaxies. And they were so beautiful.

"Is there a fucking point to this shit fest of a phone call?" Hidan asked when Yahiko had been silent for a few seconds.

"Yes. No. Kind of. And, just to remind you again, _you _called _me, _and asked me what was up. Anyway, the problem is, I really like Konan, I really want to be her friend, maybe more-than-friend if she thinks I have galaxies too-"

"Are you high?"

"Er, no. Sorry. Uh... yeah. But I..."

"You don't have any more to say, do you. You're just saying fucking nothing. So can we focus on me, please?" Yahiko rubbed his face and grinned.

"Alright. What's up with you?"

"What should I wear tomorrow to look fuck-me-now hot? ...Oh wait, I just realized, I'm asking the fucking loser who wears Hello Kitty flip-flops."

"Hey, I actually really like those..." Yahiko frowned. "Wait, you want to look hot? Are you trying to impress somebody?"

"Fuck no! There's this complete shitdick going to the party, and I want to fuck him up."

"Er.." Yahiko wasn't sure if Hidan wanted to have sex with the guy, or beat him to a pulp. Which, come to think of it, when it came to Hidan, those two things might be pretty similar... Gah not thinking of that, not thinking of that...

"Okay, uh..." Sexy and intimidating. Sexy and intimidating. Bruce Lee was the only thing coming to mind."Black pants, no shirt. Claw marks on your chest...?"

"Fucking brilliant! I knew I hung out with you for a reason. Fuck you later." Hidan hung up. Yahiko stared at his phone.

"...And with that I am going to have a shower..."

_**Deidara**_

"Ughh... do I really have to go?" This was probably the fiftieth time he'd asked. And he knew he could just take the car and just go out for the night. But that would mean Konan couldn't go. And she would be so pissed... she was actually pretty scary when she was pissed.

"Yes, you really have to go. You promised, and it is _way _too late to back out now." Konan examined her face in the hall mirror. "Are you sure it's not really red?" she turned around, showing him her new labret for about the two hundredth time.

"It looks fine." He shook his head. "I still can't believe you got that. Won't your dad be really pissed?" Konan grinned at him and tugged playfully at the neckline of his shirt.

"He shouldn't be- I've been telling him I was going to get one for years. Besides, I paid for it myself." Deidara looked up as Jiraiya came down the stairs, muttering to himself and flipping through some papers. He glanced at them and then stopped. He looked them both up and down.

"Hey, Daddy!" Konan said brightly. He raised a bushy eyebrow.

"What are we all dressed up for?" he asked, gesturing at Konan and then at Deidara. Which was ridiculous. Deidara had made absolutely no effort in getting dressed. If anything, he had made an anti-effort. Since when was a tank top and tapered sweatpants classed as 'dressing up'?

"It's the party, Daddy! I told you about it." Konan said, rolling her eyes at Deidara. Jiraiya put the papers down on the sofa and walked over, scratching the back of his head.

"It had better be a girls-only study group, or you're not going."

"Deidara's going too, though!" Jiraiya glanced at him.

"Deidara would never go to a party. That's why I made that rule. Pretty clever, huh?" Deidara sighed and looked at Konan, who was giving him her best puppy eyes. He groaned.

"Actually, um, I am... going to the party, un." Jiraiya froze, staring at him. Then he groaned and raised his hands to the ceiling.

"And so the floodgates of hell have burst open!" He seized Konan by the shoulders.

Deidara turned away and strolled into the kitchen, not caring to witness another of Jiraiya's episodes of insanity.

"Listen to me, my precious, lovely daughter! Men are animals! Wild, untamed beasts who will try _anything, _and I mean _anything _to take advantage of a lovely girl like you. Believe me, I've tried them all..."

Deidara grabbed himself a glass and stuck it under the tap, rolling his eyes. Sometimes he wondered what kind of woman Konan's mom had been to manage to put up with her dad's eccentricities. He glanced at the clock. Nine-twenty-five. Fuck. He chugged his water and shuffled quickly back into the hallway. Konan was pressing her hands to her temples and giving a loud, continuous Tina Belcher groan as Jiraiya babbled on about her outfit, waving his index finger at her dress.

"...not leaving this house until you cover up properly! You think that's going to stop a determined, hormonal pervert? Think again, let me tell you, in my youth, there wasn't anything easier than hiking up a skirt-" Deidara grabbed Konan by the arm and pulled her towards the door.

"We're going now, get your keys, un."

"Thank _God_, I thought I was going to vomit. Bye Daddy, don't wait up, yes I have my phone!" Konan called over her shoulder, ignoring Jiraiya's protests, snatching up her sweater and keys, and tugging on her shoes. Deidara glared at the clock as Konan pulled open the door. He wasn't sure if Sasori was actually going to come or not, but he sure as hell wasn't going to be here when he did. Konan tugged at his shirt and he glanced around.

"Deidara, there's a pretty guy walking up the driveway." Fuck. _Fuck. _

"Fuck." he muttered. "Okay, run for the car." He muttered, pushing Konan in front of him out the door.

"Is he your _date-" _Konan began with a giggle.

"_No_." Deidara cut her off, hurrying her to the car. She was leaning back against him, purposefully being slow.

"I want to see him! I want to talk to him! He's really pretty-" Deidara groaned.

"You are the worst cousin ever, I hate you, you're awful." he hissed, yanking open the car door and trying to shove her in.

"Hey! Pein's picking me up, you know, _you_'_re _the one taking the car, remember." she said, shoving the car keys at him and grinning. She walked towards the driveway. _No, no, no... _

"Hi! Are you here for Deidara?" Fuck. Deidara turned around slowly. Oh fuck.

"Uh-huh."

Konan was looking at him, one hand raised to her cheek as if she was telling him a secret, pointing at Sasori and mouthing "Good job" and giving him a thumbs up. Like she wasn't right in front of Sasori. Like that wasn't the most obvious thing Deidara had ever seen. Why did Konan have to pick this particular moment to be even more of an embarrassing dork than usual? He wanted to die. Sasori glanced at Deidara and grinned.

"Hey." he said, slipping his hands into the back pockets of his pants and raising his chin at him.

Deidara sucked the inside of his cheek, glaring at him. Fucking fuck. He looked like a member of a K-Pop band in their grunge-street phase, complete with bizarre red and black plaid drop-crotch pants and dirty Doc Martens. His messy, dyed hair even matched the look. Irritatingly.

"Okay, well have fun! I'll see you later, D." Konan said in her best bad-acting-voice, taking exaggerated steps back up to the porch. She opened the front door, and then waved to get Deidara's attention. She made a fist next to her face, moved it, and poked her tongue against her cheek. Then pointed at Sasori. Waved again and went inside.

"What... the fuck..." Deidara muttered, staring at the front door. He was going to kill her. He was going to _kill _her.

"So, you ready?" Fuck. While he'd been watching Konan, Sasori had strolled over to him, and was- oh _fuck _-tugging on the low neck of his tank top.

"...Fine. Get in." He opened the car door and walked round to the driver's side. He should just have tossed Konan into the car and driven away as soon as Sasori had turned up. That would've been so much better.

"So, your cousin seems nice."

"Shut up. She's awful." You're awful. Awkward car conversation is awful. The whole night was awful. Deidara chewed the inside of his cheek, praying that the alcohol at the party would be good- he was going to anything he could to ensure he remembered _nothing _of this ginormous shitfest.

_**Sasori**_

The house was already mostly full of people when they got there. The Top 40 Hits Chart was blasting all the way down the street, making Sasori wonder vaguely why the police hadn't turned up yet in response to complaints. He followed Deidara in, kind of admiring the view as Deidara pushed down one elbow over his head, stretching. Deidara was very fit, and had well-developed back muscles, despite his wiry build. Sasori wondered vaguely if he did track or something.

He wrinkled his nose as it began to get more crowded, people pushing against him. He reached forward and grabbed onto the waistband of Deidara's pants to avoid losing him. He grinned when Deidara flinched. He watched as Deidara grabbed two shots from a tray someone was carrying and downed them both. They pushed their way out of the most crowded room and walked through the sliding door to the porch. Several people were already in the pool. Most with all their clothes on, one with absolutely nothing on. Deidara grabbed another few shots and tipped them all back, tossing the glasses onto a guy laying unconscious on the ground.

"Aren't you going to drink anything?" Deidara asked him reluctantly. Sasori gestured at the beer he'd grabbed from someone inside. Deidara nodded silently, glanced around, scowled.

"Don't like parties?" Sasori asked.

"I don't like people. And I really don't like you, un. You got what you wanted, I'm here, unfortunately with you. So can you leave me alone now?"

Sasori wasn't listening. He'd just caught Pein's eye, who looked from him to Deidara, gave him a discreet nod, then turned with an unpleasant grin to Deidara's cousin, who was beaming up at him. Sasori looked around as Deidara shoved his forehead lightly.

"Fucking listen to me." He was holding three full shot glasses and was already starting to tip the first back. He was making a serious effort to get trashed.

"Let me have one of those." Sasori said, reaching for one.

"Get your own." Deidara said grumpily. He turned and started to walk back inside the house. A huge drunk guy bumped into him and walked straight into Sasori, who stumbled a little.

"Watch it, ching-chong." The huge guy grunted, staggering away.

Sasori stared after him, more surprised than offended, at first. It was the first time for a while anyone had said something like that to him. For one thing, he didn't get much of it because his hair wasn't naturally black. He got even less after dying his hair. And in general, the city was very accepting. And in the ways that it wasn't, nobody ever _said _anything. Until this guy. Who apparently was the most unimaginative person in the world. Ching-chong? _Really_? Where did he come from, the '80s?

An empty shot glass flew suddenly into the air and smashed against the back of the guy's head. He fell over onto a peony bush. Sasori stared at him as he flailed around in the leaves before turning around to find Deidara stalking back into the house, several people watching him, jaws dropped, as he went. Sasori grinned.

"Hey!" Sasori turned around. It was that stupidly tall guy. Yakkiko. Yarniko. "Uh, it's me, Yahiko." Right. Sasori looked him up and down. He looked bizarrely confident considering he was wearing a worn-out Sailor Moon tank. And... were those Hello Kitty flip flops? Sasori grinned.

"Well, look who dressed up." Yahiko laughed and rubbed the back of his head.

"I know, right? I'd be embarrassed, but I actually don't own any plain t-shirts.."

"Or any men's shoes?" Yahiko grinned and shrugged.

"So, how's it going?" he asked, looking kind of like a kid pretending to be a spy and looking around shiftily for enemy spies who might be listening in.

"Uh, fine.. I mean, I'm here, Deidara's here, trying to drink himself into a coma..." Sasori shrugged. "All good, I guess." Yahiko looked a little concerned, but nodded.

"Hey, have you seen Hidan?" he asked, looking up as someone jumped off of the balcony into a tree. "...This is a really weird party." Sasori laughed shortly.

"Uh-huh. I think I did see that huge idiot earlier actually." He wrinkled his nose. "Either he was making out with Kakuzu, or he was trying to rip out Kakuzu's tongue with his teeth." To his credit, Yahiko didn't look at all surprised by that.

"Who's Kakuzu?" Sasori shrugged.

"I think he's in third year. You'll probably see him if you go to the Financial Aid office... or if you walk down a dark alley with a lot of money in your pockets."

"He sounds perfect for Hidan." Yahiko said drily, rolling his eyes.

Something caught Sasori's eye behind Yahiko. He squinted. Through the window, he could see Deidara... yelling at Pein. Then he shoved him. He walked away... Sasori watched him walk past the big glass doors leading outside.

"What's up?" Yahiko asked. Sasori stared at Deidara through the huge living room window. He clambered up on the table. Biggie Smalls started to pound out from the speakers. He pulled off his tank top.

"He's... He's table dancing." Sasori said, stunned.

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><p>Hope you guys liked this chapter :) I swear the next one's gonna have way more SasoDei. I swear.<p> 


	4. When you stare

**(I HATE IT) when you stare**

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><p>Thank you guys for your feedback :) Also I changed the title of the fic :S<p>

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><p><em><strong>Sasori <strong>_

"What the..." Sasori's jaw dropped. Of all the things he's thought would happen at the party, Deidara stripping off his shirt and table dancing to Biggie Smalls had definitely not been on the list. Yahiko followed his gaze, turned around, and laughed.

"How much has he had to drink?" he asked. Sasori didn't answer. Deidara was flipping his long hair around, popping and swaying his hips, then squatting and tilting his hips, shaking out his hair. A crowd of people were cheering around him.

"Looks like Konan's trying to get him down." Yahiko commented, pointing. He was right. And next to her, Pein was looking up at Deidara, a bizarre grin on his face.

Sasori handed Yahiko the rest of his beer and walked inside. He shoved his way through the crowd of people until he was next to Konan. One look at Deidara's face told him he was completely trashed.

"How many shots has he had?" he asked Konan. She bit her lips and handed him Deidara's abandoned tank top.

"I'm not sure. I think he-"

"Are you going up there next?" Pein asked, leaning into her space, running his lips over her neck. Sasori raised his eyebrows as Konan flinched and laughed nervously.

Sasori switched his attention back to Deidara, frowning up at him. Not that he wasn't enjoying the show, but he was a little concerned. He got a lot more concerned when Deidara threw back his head and cracked it on the huge chandelier above him. The crowd of people all cheered as he fell backwards into them. Sasori shoved his way over again and swung Deidara's arm over his shoulders. He began to walk purposefully out of the room, shouldering his way through, which was a lot more difficult to do with Deidara hanging off him. God damn it he was heavy.

"Come on."

"Get off."

"You might have a concussion."

"_You _have a concussion." Deidara slurred grumpily. Sasori laughed as they staggered through the garden. Was that his response to everything? Sasori glanced at Yahiko, who handed him a water bottle as they passed him.

"Hey, Sailor Moon."

"Yeah?"

"If you want to be that girl's best friend right now... I'd go and get her away from that creep. Just saying. Weird vibes." Sasori panted as he tried to support more of Deidara's weight and not overbalance. Yahiko frowned and looked towards the house.

"Let go of me." Deidara grumbled as Sasori walked him across the street towards the playground.

"Believe me, I'd love to. Why the hell are you so heavy?" Sasori said through his teeth as Deidara hung his head forward and laughed. Sasori wrinkled his nose- his breath was basically vaporized tequila.

"I'm not heavy. You're scrawny. You're a toothpick, un. Ugh... I wanna sleep..." Sasori rolled his eyes and positioned Deidara on a swing, shoving the water bottle into his hands before sitting down on the one next to it.

"Don't go to sleep. You might have a concussion. Here's your shirt, by the way." Sasori said, tossing him the tank top. With clumsy movements, Deidara pulled it on. Sasori looked him over. He looked pretty awful.

"So... considering that I know you can be a huge dickhead... why do you let Pein get to you?" he asked at length. Deidara looked up at him, his mouth hanging open. He looked so completely hammered. Sasori leaned back in the swing, rubbing the cold chain with his thumbs.

"I saw him talking to you before you got on the table." he said. Deidara groaned.

"I hate him." he mumbled.

"Fair enough." Sasori said with a shrug, looking up at the moon. Deidara was quiet. Sasori glanced at him. He was leaning his face against the chain of the swing, motionless. Sasori scooted off his swing and grabbed Deidara's face, slapping him lightly.

"Deidara, wake up. Come on." He pushed Deidara's long hair out of his eyes. "Hey, hey, come on. Wake up." Deidara's eyelids fluttered opened. Sasori breathed a small sigh of relief. Deidara looked at him quietly for a moment, then said "Hey." Sasori glanced at him. Deidara grinned.

"Your eyes... they're pretty."

Then his body convulsed and he threw up. The vomit hit the ground with an unpleasant splat.

"Oh, gross." Sasori moaned, shoving Deidara and tip-toeing his way back to his own swing. Deidara leaned his face against the chain of his swing and groaned.

"Yuck."

"Uh, yeah." Sasori wrinkled his nose. Really, really gross. "Hey, uh... thanks for earlier." Deidara grunted something that was probably supposed to be "what?" as he opened the water bottle. He rinsed out his mouth several times, spitting the water out onto the ground.

"The shot glass. ...Thanks." Somehow, talking sincerely to Deidara was much easier when he was sick and hammered. Maybe that wasn't a big surprise.

"Whatever." They were quiet for a few minutes, Sasori checking every so often to make sure Deidara was still awake.

"Hey..."

"Mmm?"

"You can piss off now. I'm fine, un." Sasori snorted.

"Uh-huh. Of course you are. Apparently you haven't noticed, but you're a walking barf bag right now. Someone has to make sure you don't fall into a coma, or choke to death on your own vomit." Deidara wrinkled his nose at him.

"Fuck off. Why the hell would you care if I never wake up?" Sasori grinned at him, enjoying Deidara's standard scowl-and-eye-roll reaction.

"Come on. If you die, I'd have to start asking out people who actually like me." Deidara snorted.

"Like you could find one."

"There you go. Who needs affection when I have pure, unadulterated hatred?" Sasori asked. Deidara didn't say anything for a while.

"Hey, does that happen to you a lot?" His voice was soft. Sasori looked at him. He was starting to look a little better. At least he was drinking the water.

"Does what happen a lot? Being nearly barfed on? No, not particularly often..."

"You know what I mean. The drunk guy." Sasori shrugged.

"Not really. It would happen less if I looked more like my dad. But, alas, I inherited my mother's amazing good looks."

"Such a curse." Deidara grumbled. Sasori smirked.

"Curse? More like blessing. See, if I looked more like my dad, I wouldn't get called 'pretty boy' by a certain blond table dancer..."

"Shut up." Deidara said, swatting at Sasori's arm as he laughed.

_**Konan**_

Konan was worried about Deidara. Sasori had somehow got him outside, but she couldn't see where they'd gone after that, and since she hardly knew Sasori, she was more than a little worried. She pursed her lips, looking out the window.

"Let's go upstairs. Come on." Pein breathed into her ear, running a hand gently up her waist. She stood on her toes so he could hear her and said she was worried about Deidara and wanted to look for him. Pein's grin flickered for a second, but then it was back, warm and friendly.

"He's ok, Konan. He's a big boy, isn't he? He can take care of himself."

"I'm just going to check on him, okay? I'll be back." She smiled at him and wove her way through the crowd, making her way outside. She looked around and walked along the dark garden path, walking past the garage. She wondered if they'd gone to the park...

A cool hand grabbed her wrist, and she turned around in surprise. Pein smiled at her and leaned against the side of the house. His grin was inviting.

"Come on, Konan. He's fine." His hand reached up and stroked her neck then started playing with her necklace. His other hand slid down her waist to her hip and started pulling her towards him. She looked over her shoulder. She kind of wished somebody would walk past.

Pein pulled her to him and started kissing her neck. She stood still, biting her lips. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Was this a bad situation? Was this bad? Konan's mind was totally blank. Pein's hands skimmed down her back and gripped her ass. Fuck, fuck, fuck. She was stiff in his arms. This was bad, this was bad, right?

Konan was staring hard at the wall over Pein's shoulder. She couldn't move. He moved his mouth to hers, brushed his lips over hers, then abruptly put his tongue in and mashed their mouths together. His hands seized her to him, one of them pulling at the hem of her dress. She was shaking. One of his hands skimmed under her dress, reaching up between her legs. She found she could move, and shoved him, hard. He looked angry, and then-

"It's okay, it's okay." He came back, grabbing her again, trying to pull her towards the garage.

"Stop it, stop it.." she was moaning, crying now, trying to push him off her. His arms were like snakes, grabbing her as soon as she got him off. He stopped moving suddenly. She followed his gaze, and thought she was going to collapse from relief.

Yahiko had just come around the corner, hands in pockets. He was looking at Pein, his face completely impassive. He leaned against the wall. Konan's eyes fell on his Sailor Moon shirt. Despite herself, despite her situation, she gave a faint, hiccough-y giggle. She wondered if she was in shock. She had never, ever been so happy to see someone in her entire life. Yahiko looked at her.

"Are you okay right now?" he asked her.

"She's fine, get the fuck out of here." Pein said angrily, pulling Konan against him.

Yahiko didn't look away from her. He repeated himself. She shook her head.

"Come on." Yahiko said, reaching a hand towards her. Pein kept a grip on her wrist for a moment, then let go, saying "Fuck" under his breath. Konan took Yahiko's hand and they walked down the drive way.

"Do you want to go home?" he asked her softly. She nodded.

"Where's your car?" he asked. Konan wiped her face with the back of her hand.

"H-He drove me..."

"Do you want a ride?" Yahiko asked. She nodded and took a steadying breath. And then started to cry again. Her eyes weren't properly dry again until they'd been driving for ten minutes.

"Don't... Don't take me home right away, please." she said, tugging off her shoes and hugging her knees to her chest. "I can't let my dad see.." Yahiko nodded and pulled over next to an elementary school. He shut off the engine. Konan took a deep breath and wiped her face.

"I can't believe he did that." she muttered. She sighed deeply again, closed her eyes, and pressed a fist to her forehead. "And before I forget, I really love your shirt."

"Thanks."

She looked at Yahiko, who was fiddling with the CD player. He turned the key one click and Fleetwood Mac started to play softly. She leaned back in the seat and bit her lips.

She wondered if she should tell him.

Tell him why she couldn't push Pein away.

Tell him about how she froze in panic, her mind completely blank. About how all she could see was that face, _his _face.

Tell him about her dad's old friend. About how having him babysit her after school had fucked her up so much that for several months afterwards she had peed her pants, too scared to ask the teacher to go to the bathroom. If she told him about that, he might ask about the therapy afterwards. About how she was still screwed up by it. About how sometimes she still couldn't sleep, remembering all of it. Remembering her dad's face when she finally managed to tell him.

She decided against it.

"Look, this might sound weird, but... can we not talk about what, what happened?" He looked at her. "I know... you maybe have some questions, and I will probably answer them. But not tonight, okay?"

"Sure." She smiled at him gratefully. He scratched his nose, looking like he wanted to say something, but didn't know how to start.

"Uh, thank you, by the way. It kinda pisses me off, but this is the second time in as many days that you've saved my butt." She said with a stab at a humorous tone. Yahiko gave a small grin, drumming his fingers on the arm rest between them. Konan glanced down at his hand and snorted with laughter. She grabbed his hand and squinted at the back of it.

"Is that... a temporary tattoo?" she asked, giggling.

"Uh... yeah." He sounded kind of embarrassed. Konan rubbed her finger over the little image of Mona the Vampire, giggling.

"Man, you are actually a nine-year-old girl." Yahiko smiled and pressed his other hand over his eyes.

"I forgot about it. I found a box of them in my cupboard. I guess the previous tenants had a kid, and didn't remove everything..."

"Oh my god, you're awesome." Konan murmured, running her finger gently over the tattoo again. When she glanced up, Yahiko was looking shyly at her hand on his. She grinned.

She considered his short, messy hair. His long nose. His slightly stuck-out ears. His faded Sailor Moon t-shirt. His long limbs. His pretty eyes. She thought about his Hello Kitty flip flops. His capoeira classes. His love of Beyonce. His short-shorts. The pictures of space he had glued to his french notebook. The way he moved snails off of the sidewalk in the rain. She pushed her fingers between his and held his hand. He was blushing.

"Are you drunk?" he mumbled. God he was cute. She shrugged.

"Maybe." She tried very hard not to lean across and kiss him.

She was pretty sure he liked her. And she was starting to be pretty sure she liked him back. But she wasn't exactly great at making the first move (after all, partly thanks to her dad, she had zilch in terms of dating experience). Not to mention, even if she _did _make a move, she wasn't allowed to date him. And she was a really shitty liar, so secretly dating him was probably out, too...

"Er, so, um..." Great start, Konan. Stellar. You're a natural. "Uh, can I just say something crazy?"

Oh _perfect, _fucking perfect. Way to go, Konan, you fucking _moron_. In a time of crisis when stuttering nonsensically, what is your solution? Accidentally quoting a Disney movie. A Disney movie she didn't even like much. _Fudge. _She mentally slapped herself in the forehead.

"I love crazy." Yahiko said, probably teasing her. She pressed a first to her forehead and sighed.

"Okay, I'm going to pretend that didn't just happen. Anyway, um, I was going to say that I... Er..."

Why. Why, why, _why _was this happening now!? If Nagato could see her, he'd be laughing himself silly. She knew what she wanted to say: "Yahiko, I know it's kind of weird to say this so hastily, especially after what happened with Pein earlier, but I really like you, I think, and I want to date you, but I can't." But god, saying that was... completely pointless, right? At least he'd know how she felt, but then what?

"Um, I..."

Ugh, disaster. Complete disaster. Her face was getting hot. This was so _not her_. Yes, she wasn't great at talking about feelings. Yes, she didn't have very much actual romantic experience. But she was usually pretty straightforward, sometimes blunt. She usually just said what she was thinking. This was not going well at all.

She pulled her hand out of Yahiko's and stuffed her hands into the pockets of her sweater. She didn't look at him. And then she realized that since he maybe didn't know that she was trying to say she liked him, doing that might seem like she was saying the opposite. So she had fucked up. For a moment, she thought he might be pissed, thinking she friend-zoned him. So she'd then have to end-zone him. But the idea of such a stupid thing coming out of Yahiko's mouth seemed absurd. Impossible, even. She cleared her throat.

"Okay, uh, so, I'm sorry that I have like, not even said anything for the past two minutes. And I want you to know that I am usually not like this-"

"I know."

"Good. So, uh." She balled her hands into fists. Leaving him tonight without saying anything was so _not _her.

"Basically, I don't know what you think... but I don't dislike you at all. And I know it's weird for me to say this tonight, when you just, uh, saved my butt from a really uncomfortable situation... And I mean, we haven't really known each other very long at all. But I just wanted you to know that, um, even if I wanted to, I'm not allowed to date anybody... Wait, that sounds... "

Oh god, oh god. Train wreck. Plane crash. Armageddon.

"Like, uh, please just kill me now if I misunderstood you, and you just want to be friends... because I love friends, and I think that we could be really good friends, and I'd really like you as a friend! But... uh..."

She forced herself to look at him. His mouth was open, apparently in surprise. He was blushing, like a fucking pin up girl. He looked like porn.

"Screw it." she muttered. She reached over, grabbed his shirt, and pulled him towards her. "I like you." she said. She was trying to look serious, but she was probably glaring at him.

"Can I.." he paused.

She kissed him.

_**Deidara**_

Sasori pulled up to the house and cut the engine, a little awkwardly. Had Deidara been less drunk, it might have occurred to him to ask Sasori if he had actually passed his driving test before handing over the keys. Of course, had Deidara been less drunk, he would have paid attention when Sasori explicitly told him that he hadn't.

"You feeling better?" Sasori asked him. Deidara hummed darkly, keeping his head propped up against his window. He felt like shit.

He heard Sasori's seat belt click and opened his eyes, surprised, when a cool hand took hold of his chin and turned his head to face Sasori, who had leaned forward so their faces were barely five inches apart. He looked carefully into Deidara's eyes.

"Stop staring at me." Deridara mumbled.

"Just checking your pupils for over-dilation..." Sasori said. Deidara dropped his gaze to Sasori's lips.

"Is your vision blurred?" Deidara shook his head.

"You remember how you hit your head?" He nodded.

"You have a headache?" Another nod. Sasori smirked, sending a jolt straight to Deidara's stomach.

"You'll be fine." He said, starting to pull away.

Without thinking at all, Deidara grabbed his shirt and pulled him back over. Sasori's eyes were wide.

"What..." he said softly. Deidara tipped his head forward, just missing his lips, and rested his forehead on Sasori's shoulder. He shut his eyes, listening to Sasori's nervous breathing. His skin smelled like sawdust and oranges.

"Deidara..." Sasori put a hand on his chest. To push him away? Or to keep him there?

Deidara tilted his chin and kissed Sasori's neck. Sasori exhaled slowly, and the hand on Deidara's chest closed into a fist, gently gripping his shirt. Deidara dragged his mouth up Sasori's cool skin, kissing the edge of his jaw and then brushing over to his lips.

Sasori jerked back and pressed himself against the door. His mouth opened and closed wordlessly for a few seconds as he stared at Deidara.

"M... Maybe later." he said breathlessly before opening the car door and running across the driveway, skidding on the gravel, and then disappearing down the road.

Deidara stared, dumbfounded, at Sasori's shrinking figure as it faded into the darkness. Eventually he pulled the keys out of the ignition numbly, and crushed them within his fist. The bite of the sharp metal in his hand kind of woke him up to what had just happened; he had just made a move, an undeniable physical move, on Sasori.

_Sasori_, the smug dickhead who he was incredibly attracted to, but who he ultimately detested. He had tried to kiss him. He had basically made love to his neck with his mouth. While being at least partly sober. And as if that weren't bad enough, Sasori had literally run away.

Deidara stepped out of the car and slammed the door. He gritted his teeth, seething, glaring at the end of the now-empty street. He whirled around and punched the side of the house with all his might.

"GAAHH!"

He broke two fingers.

_**Sasori**_

"Good morning!" Sasori raised his head off of his arms just enough to see half of a faded pink Destiny's Child shirt.

"Don't you have any normal clothes?" he asked, letting his head fall back down into his folded arms. The desk moved as Yahiko sat down on its edge.

"How much did you drink at the party? You look awful." Sasori took that as a 'No, I don't.'

"Gee, thanks." Sasori pushed himself up off of the desk and leaned back in his chair, rubbing his face.

"Sorry." Yahiko handed him a coffee. Sasori looked up, surprised.

"Is this for me?" Yahiko nodded.

"I got coffee with Hidan, and I think the guy who works there just got really worked up." Sasori quirked an eyebrow and Yahiko explained further. "Uh, I got the feeling he was friends with the guy Hidan threw coffee at. So he was yelling at him, and then Hidan called him a 'fat fuck', and I was caught between them trying to get my drink, and then the guy kind of swelled up and started giving me a load of coffees I didn't order... so, uh, enjoy."

"Thanks." Sasori said drily, taking a sip.

"By the way, thanks for letting me know Konan was in trouble." Yahiko said, scooting back on the desk until he was sitting on it fully, facing Sasori.

"Huh?"

"At the party. You were right, and that guy was..." Yahiko scowled at his coffee. "A major dickhead."

Oh yeah. Sasori had kind of entirely forgotten about that. He shrugged, trying to say 'No problem' without actually having to move his mouth. He didn't have a hangover, but he did feel like trash. Incredibly stressed trash. And it was mostly thanks to the very dickhead Yahiko was talking about.

"So, how're things going with Deidara?" Yahiko asked, taking a textbook out of his bag and flipping through it, apparently making a half-hearted effort to study for a test or something. Sasori frowned at the hole that seemed to go through the whole thing.

"What the hell did you do to that book?" Yahiko looked up at him, and Sasori almost burst out laughing- as much of a dorkish puppy that this guy was, he had serious bitch-face skills.

"You mean, what the hell did _you _do to this book. You drilled through it. In this very room. Like, exactly a week ago."

"Oh, yeah." Sasori snorted. "Sorry." He took another sip of his coffee and sighed. "Alright, let's get this over with."

"What?" Bless him, he actually looked confused.

"So how did things go with Deidara's cousin?" Sasori asked, bracing himself for a flood of mushy, wangsty, Nicholas Sparks bullshit. Yahiko blushed. Ugh.

"Um, well, pretty good! Really good, actually..." And, as expected, he launched into what felt like a half-hour of romantic play-by-play. Great.

Sasori weathered through it, saying "uh-huh", "mhmm", and "huh" at regular intervals, sipping his coffee and nodding sleepily. It was more efficient to let Yahiko go on and on about it now, when all Sasori wanted to do was go lie down in a darkened room, rather than later when he finally started working. Luckily he was nearly done most of his homework- his usual diligence allowed him to have one morning of sluggish self-pity and laziness.

"...so I really hope things are going well with Deidara. Although, now that I think of it, I wonder if Pein's going to give up and stop paying you. In which case-"

"Wait, what?" Sasori jerked himself out of his stupor, blinking up at Yahiko, who grinned.

"You weren't listening at all, were you?" Sasori shook his head. "Alright. Basically, I think that Konan asked me out. Except she still thinks we can't go out, because Deidara's not dating anyone. She thinks. So I was wondering how things were going with that, and also if you'd talked to Pein, because-"

"Yeah, I talked to Pein yesterday. It wasn't a great talk." Sasori said, giving Yahiko a look. Yahiko just looked confused.

"So what happened?" Sasori pushed his chair back and looked around. The work shop was too full of people who knew people.

"Come outside."

"So... what did Pein say?" Yahiko asked as they walked past the book store. Sasori rubbed his face and sighed.

"I ran into him at the hardware store. No idea why he was there, but he seemed really intent on wasting my time. He seemed really pissed at that chick-"

"Konan?"

"Uh-huh. I wasn't really listening- he seemed like he was trying very hard to be Pulp Fiction but he was coming off more Twilight. I was kind of waiting for him to sparkle me into submission or something. Anyway, he's pissed at her, and pissed at a certain 'cunt-faced Flame Prince'." Sasori smirked up at Yahiko. "Any ideas about that?"

"...Uh, he watches Adventure Time?" Yahiko asked, pushing open the doors.

"Yes, but also he kind of wants to kill you. Which wouldn't be a big deal-"

"How is that anything _but _a big deal?"

"-except that apparently, you are the most naive person I've ever met." Sasori stopped at the edge of the forest, scraped some mud off the sole of his shoe on a twig. He gave Yahiko a serious look. The kid just looked surprised. Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Look, it's not really my business what's going on with you and that chick, but... like I didn't ask before, because I didn't care, and I still don't- but why the hell did you get that guy to pay me to take Deidara to a party? Like seriously. That was the _worst idea ever_." Yahiko looked uncomfortable.

"Uh, because he had incentive to want Konan to go to the party? And it's not like you'd have volunteered. Hidan said-" Sasori shut his eyes and tugged at the edges, taking a breath.

"Okay. _Never _listen to anything that shit-for-brains says, _ever_. And so what if Pein wanted Konan to go to the party? You thought that after you got her to see how much of a dickhead he is, that would just stop? He'd just give up on her, but what, keep paying me so you could keep up this weird scheme? Or, you were hoping he wouldn't realize that you've been trying to move in on the same girl? You thought that _she _would never think it was weird?" Yahiko was frowning at the ground. Sasori wasn't sure if none of this had occurred to him before, or it had and he'd just been ignoring it.

"So... what did he actually say to you?" he asked at length. Sasori sighed and shoved his hands into the pockets of his sweater.

"He basically said that if you get in the way again, he's going to rip off your dick. And he said he's going to pound that Marilyn body if it's the last thing he does. Paraphrased." Yahiko's mouth tightened and he clenched his fists. Sasori shrugged. "Anyway, I told him that I didn't want to do it any more, partly because I pissed Deidara off-"

"I thought you said pissed off was good?"

"Not in this case. And besides, a hundred and fifty bucks really isn't that much."

"Well... what did he say?" Sasori shrugged and held up his hand, tugging his sleeve down. Yahiko stared at the rows of dotted dried blood that ran down his arm from the back of his hand to half-way to his elbow.

"He was holding a staple gun." Sasori explained. "I gotta say, I was impressed. I had just thought he'd bare his teeth at me and hiss or some shit. The point is, he's now paying me four hundred bucks _a week _until he gets what he wants." Yahiko rubbed the back of his head and turned away, kicking up some leaves.

Sasori scratched his nose and checked his watch. Well, he was missing his class today, apparently. He wasn't too bothered- he didn't particularly want to spend three hours in the same room with Deidara today. Especially since he was pretty sure Deidara would try to blow him up on sight.

"You wanna get some lunch?" he asked. Yahiko nodded.

"Jumbo Sushi ok?"

"Sure."

"Alright, Yoncé, what's the plan?" Sasori asked, snapping his chopsticks apart and rubbing them together. Yahiko frowned, but then grinned as he tried and failed to pick up his yam tempura with his chopsticks.

"Are you going to give me a new nickname based on my shirt every time you see me?"

"Yes. You're holding those wrong." Sasori fixed his grip. "Anyway, what exactly are you planning to do? Just keep going with your masterful plan?"

"Well, do you have a suggestion? Because, let's face it, you're not going to go out with Deidara unless you're getting paid-"

"True." Deidara was a serious pain in the ass. There was no way Sasori was going to put up with his shit unless someone was paying his rent for him. _  
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"- and there's also no way Deidara would just pretend to be dating someone so Konan could go out with me."

"Also very true. Not to mention his uncle would probably demand to meet the imaginary boyfriend. Or girlfriend." Sasori frowned. He'd never asked what exactly Deidara's sexuality was. Didn't really make a difference to him.

"Doesn't that just leave us where we started?" Yahiko asked, finally managing to bring the tempura from the plate to his face, and then struggling to grip it long enough to actually eat it. Sasori snorted.

"No, it doesn't. Because, although Pein was too busy filling my arm with staples to listen, I can't be your guy anymore. Since he only paid me to go to the party, I didn't think it was that big a problem, but I pissed Deidara off, and he probably is never going to ever speak to me again, let alone go out with me again. So that's that." Sasori said with a shrug, pouring himself more soy sauce. Yahiko blinked at him.

"What did you do?" he asked. Sasori pushed his lip with his chopstick.

"Uh, not much. He's just too sensitive." He waved his hand in the air dismissively, possibly flicking soy sauce onto the lady at the next table over. He cleared his throat. Truth be told, given that he knew Deidara thought he was just playing him, running away when Deidara had tried to make out with him might have been one of the worst things he could have done. Oh well.

"But you're the only guy in school Deidara is.. or was... willing to even _consider _going out with, right?" Yahiko asked, wincing as he gingerly tasted a speck of wasabi. White boy.

"How should I know?" Yahiko rolled his eyes, reaching for his glass of water. He proceeded to chug the whole thing. Sasori raised an eyebrow at him.

"Hidan is Deidara's like... only friend. Pretty much. That I know of. And he said that Deidara never, ever talks about any other person. He's turned down about five other guys and more than a few girls. Yet, after just asking him, what, _twice_, he agreed to go to a party with you. What do you suppose that means?"

Huh. Well that was interesting. It wasn't all that surprising that Deidara got asked out a lot; in spite of his terrible personality, for some reason, having a tan in the rain capital of the country was some kind of dating beacon. Sasori just raised his eyebrows and said nothing.

"I think after the party, Konan is pretty much completely off Pein... I am not at all surprised." Yahiko scowled down at the rest of his tempura. "So all we have to worry about is how desperate Pein gets, I s'pose. And what we've got to focus on is getting you back in the game." Sasori looked at him, unimpressed.

"I thought _I _was the one who doesn't listen to people. I just said Deidara's not going to talk to me again, ever." Yahiko prodded his tempura with his chopsticks, looking thoughtful.

"He can't be _that _pissed." The bell hanging above the restaurant door dinged as someone came in.

"Believe me, he-" Sasori broke off, looking over Yahiko's shoulder. Yahiko turned around.

"-called the fat fuck a fat fuck, and then the bitch just starts handing out free coffee! Like, what the fuck is up with that doughnut cunt? Who shat on his dildo? But hey, free Starbucks, right?"

The combination of Hidan's loud voice and choice language was more than enough to silence the entire restaurant. He strolled up to the counter and leaned against it.

"Alright, man, two miso soups, uh... combo 3, combo 5... lemme see... a teriyaki don, aaaaaaaaand..." He scratched his chin. "A diet coke." He turned around and gestured towards Deidara, who was leaning against the door frame, arms folded and scowling. "Hey, what d'you want?" Deidara looked up and scanned the options board.

"Uh, just combo 1."

"Ok, all that to go, bitch." Hidan turned around and grinned as he spotted them. Sasori was in the process of slowly sinking in his seat when Hidan said, loud enough to make the whole restaurant look in their direction, "Hey! Yahiko, ya dickhead, where've you been?"

Sasori lifted his menu up to his face, but not quickly enough. Deidara glanced in their direction. And saw Sasori.

Who then casually put the menu back down, trying to look like he hadn't been trying to hide. He met Yahiko's worried gaze (while Yahiko was in some kind of affectionate choke hold, courtesy of Hidan) and raised his eyebrows. He supposed that a demonstration of Deidara's wrath would prove his point. Might as well get it over with.

He looked over to Deidara...who was no longer there. Sasori blinked and looked around. Deidara seemed to have left. Which was a huge relief. And also kind of bizarre. After all, he was really immature. Sasori had been expecting something bratty, like getting something thrown at his face. Oh well. Nothing was a lot less irritating.

By the time Yahiko had peeled Hidan off of his head and shooed him away, however, Sasori was annoyed. Was Deidara going to give him the silent treatment? Because that wouldn't work. It was the least irritating way to irritate someone, especially if the person in question didn't want to talk to the other person in the first place.  
>Or was he not, and Sasori was just reading too much into it? Had Deidara actually ignored him, or had he just not seen him? Or had he just not had the courage to do anything just then, and was waiting until later? Or was he so hurt that he couldn't face him?<br>The fact that Sasori was even thinking about any of this pissed him off more than anything. He pushed his chair back from the table and got up.

"You done?" he asked Yahiko, who looked sadly down at his abandoned tempura and shrugged.

"Yeah. Who am I kidding? To be honest, I've never eaten with chopsticks before." Yahiko said as he stood up.

"You don't say?" Sasori said sarcastically, grabbing his coat and shaking some money for the tip out of his pocket.

"But that wasn't so bad, was it? If you ask me, he's probably forgotten all about whatever it was you did." Yahiko said reassuringly as they walked out of the restaurant. Sasori scowled.

"The fact that you'd even think that just shows how little you know Deidara. That guy can hold a grudge forever. He gets obsessive. It's actually really creepy." Yahiko frowned at him, confused.

"How do you know that? Has he been mad at you before or something?" he asked, shrugging into his jacket as the wind picked up. Sasori shook his head, grinning.

"He's always mad at me. But like if you really piss him off he doesn't forget it. He'd still probably try to beat Itachi Uchiha to a pulp if he ever sees him agai-"

Something small and warm smacked into the back of Sasori's head. He stumbled forwards in surprise and turned around. Immediately another piece of prawn tempura, soaked in soy sauce, hit him on the forehead. He wiped his face and looked up. Deidara was sitting on a car in the parking lot, and was pouring something from a dark green bottle onto his take-out tray.

"Uh, I see what you mean. He does look...really angry." Yahiko said, squinting at Deidara, who did indeed look like he was seething with rage. Sasori wiped the back of his head and looked at his fingers, which were covered in soy-sauce.

"Ugh, that is so gross." He muttered, looking back up at Deidara, who seemed to be holding a piece of sushi over a lighter. Was he...

"Isn't that a bottle of lighter fluid?" Yahiko asked, pointing at Deidara.

"Are you gonna stand there and point, or are you gonna get out of the way?" Sasori asked with a grin.

Deidara began to throw. Flaming sushi pelted at them like little fire bullets. Sasori pushed Yahiko behind a truck and followed him, laughing. Now _this _was what he'd been expecting.

"Your aim sucks!" he yelled as a fiery kappa maki smacked onto the windshield of the car next to them.

"Okay, okay, fine. You've made your point, Deidara is seriously pissed." Yahiko said, leaning back against the truck. "What the heck did you do?" Sasori chewed his lip.

"Er... I may have embarrassed him... or something." Yahiko nodded.

"Alright, then you've just got to embarrass yourself. Sacrifice yourself on the altar of dignity. Do something flashy and memorable and rom-com worthy to get him to forgive you." Sasori scoffed.

"Why the hell would I do that?" Yahiko smirked at him.

"For the only thing you actually really want; Pein's money." Sasori scowled.

"This is _so _not going to be worth it."

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><p>hope you liked this chapter :) I'll probably update again quite soon!<p> 


	5. Your big dumb combat boots

**(I HATE) your big dumb combat boots**

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><p>Hope you guys like this chapter :) Thank you v much for following, etc!<p>

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><p><em><strong>Deidara<strong>_

"What the heck happened to your hand?" Konan asked, reaching to hold it and then thinking better of it. He wasn't surprised- the knuckles had turned a nasty purple with a bloody cap, and his index and middle fingers were swollen. She gave him a concerned look over the top of her pumpkin spice latte. "Were you fighting?" Deidara scowled down at his phone, pretending to check his messages.

"Nope."

"So what did you do?"

"I... punched a wall." He glanced up. Konan raised her eyebrows. To her credit, she honestly didn't seem surprised.

"Well, then, stop wallowing in self-pity. If you're going to break your own fingers..." she trailed off. Deidara sighed.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, hm. So what did you want to tell me?" Konan shrugged.

"I didn't want to tell you anything. I just wanted to hang out. I mean, you don't have any more classes today, right?"

"Uh-uh."

"So there you go. We are officially hanging out." She checked her watch. "For two hours, and then I have to go tutor Yahiko." Deidara watched as the corners of her mouth went down- her blatant tell for when she was trying not to smile. She raised her coffee to her lips, not looking at him. Deidara sighed.

"So, are you going out with him, then?" he asked in a bored tone. Konan looked at him, blinking rapidly, saying "Who?" in an overly quizzical tone. Could she be more obvious?

"Yakono."

"_Yahiko_. And... uh... w-why would you say tha-" she took one look at his face and sighed, rolling her eyes. "Fine, fine. I was just trying to practice lying about it so maybe dad won't find out." Deidara snorted and took a long sip from his drink.

"Konan, you are going to have to do a lot better than that. That was pathetic."

"Thanks for the feedback." Konan said dully. "Well, since you asked, yes, I really, really, really want to go out with him. He is funny, and awesome, and cute, and super nice."

"I thought you were into Pein." Deidara said, his eyebrow twitching slightly as he tipped back his coffee again. Konan frowned down at the table.

"I was... but he's really scary. And... scary. So, not any more. At all. Ever. Urgh."

"So that's a no, then." He didn't like to celebrate the failure of Konan's crush-relationship-whatever-it-was, but... he was. Thank god.

"Yep, that's a no. So now I want to hang out with Yahiko, but you know dad won't let me. Not unless..." she propped her chin up on her elbow and side-eyed Deidara, biting back a grin. "Not unless you're going to go out with that pretty boy you went to the party with?" Deidara glared at her.

"No way."

"Aw. But he's so pretty! He's so pretty I kind of wanted to kick him... But seriously, you didn't even tell me about him! Is he in your classes? Did he ask you, or did you ask him?" Deidara slammed his cup down on the table.

"I would _never ever _have asked him, _ever_. And I don't want to talk about him. He's an asshole, hm." Deidara tossed his hair, seriously wishing Konan had never seen Sasori. Wishing Sasori had never turned up, or better yet, never asked him to the stupid party in the first place. Never been born... maybe that was a little strong. But still. Dickhead.

"Fine, fine, he's an asshole." Konan sighed, fingering the origami flower in her hair and looking out the window. Once again, Deidara looked moodily down at his phone.

His hands still kind of smelled like soy sauce and lighter fuel. Oh well. It had been worth it, hitting Sasori in the face with a prawn. And then watching him hide from flaming sushi. Sure, he hadn't managed to actually hit him more than twice, but what did he expect with two broken fingers? He'd been glad, afterwards, that Hidan had ordered himself enough food to feed four other people, since he'd lit all of his own lunch on fire. But again, it had been worth it.

Although he had wondered why Sasori had been laughing. Possibly he thought that having an order of sushi lit on fire and flung at his face was funny. Or, more likely, and infinitely more aggravating, he thought it was funny that Deidara had taken _the incident _so seriously, seriously enough to enact what he would surely call an 'immature' act of revenge. Gah. Deidara clenched his jaw. Even imaginary Sasori pissed him off.

_**Yahiko**_

"In advance, you're welcome." Yahiko said, sitting down at Sasori's work bench and folding his arms over the table.

"Welcome for what?" Sasori asked, his tone disinterested, pointedly raising his soldering iron at Yahiko, who removed the offending arms.

"I talked to Konan after tutoring today, and I asked about Deidara." Sasori's face remained impassive as he continued working. "And basically... he hates you with the fire of a thousand suns."

"Uh-huh."

"Yeah. So, I kind of explained your plan to Konan-"

"Since when is it _my _plan?" Sasori asked, frowning. Yahiko rubbed the back of his head.

"Fine, fine. I explained _the _plan to Konan, and she said she'd help." Sasori raised his eyebrows.

"Why?" he asked flatly. Yahiko scratched his nose and grinned impishly up at him.

"'Cuz she thinks you're cute, she wants to use you as ammo to tease Deidara with, and she's tired of him bugging her to hang out with him all the time when they're at home."

"He does that?" Sasori asked curiously. He'd always pictured Deidara sitting moodily in the dark messing around with his clay in his spare time, not bugging his cousin for attention. Yahiko shrugged.

"Apparently. She said he comes and lies on her floor saying he's bored all the time." Sasori exhaled a soft laugh, imagining that.

"Well, we wouldn't want ickle Dei-kins to be bored, now would we?" he murmured.

"That's super creepy." Yahiko said with a grimace. "Anyway, I asked if she had any ideas to get him to forgive you." He glanced up at Sasori, who was frowning down at his latest terrifying weaponized puppet, now attaching dangerously sharp spikes to wooden inserts in the elbow joints. He was holding unnaturally still as he worked though, so Yahiko figured he was probably listening.

"So, I went over to their house because their dad was at work. We went in his room looking for stuff- you know, a diary or something. Didn't find one though."

"So why the hell are you even bringing it up?" Yahiko ducked as Sasori flipped the puppet's arm suddenly, whipping the spike-adorned limb through the air mere inches above Yahiko's head.

"Let me finish. But as a side note, his room is freaking _terrifying. _Like, seriously- if you end up dating him or whatever and go over there... yeesh. Would not recommend that." Sasori's lip twitched like he was stopping himself from smiling. "Also, we found pictures of a load of angry punk guys on his wall. As well as posters of..." he glanced down at his hand, where Konan had written the name with sharpie. "Harry... Shum Jr."

"Who the hell is that?"

"Uh, I think a guy from Glee..." Sasori snorted and shook his head in disbelief. "The point is, we are now pretty certain that he is a) definitely attracted to guys, and b) attracted to Asian guys-"

"I'm half."

"That'll do." Sasori rolled his eyes. "I mean, yeah, looking in his room turned out to be a lot more unhelpful than I thought it would be. But Konan suggested maybe doing a really extravagant stunt and beg for forgiveness, 'cause he's pretty proud and likes to make people grovel. With music, because apparently he has a bizarre love of musicals." Sasori looked up at him, his face a cold stone wall.

"Hell no. I wouldn't do that if you paid me-"

"You _are _getting paid. For the moment." Yahiko pointed out. Sasori scowled.

"Whatever. I'm still not doing it. What the hell kind of plan is that?"

Yahiko bit the inside of his cheek, thinking. Then he grinned.

"You know, one of his desk drawers has got some pretty kinky things in it... I mean, lube and condoms, sure, but..." he raised his eyebrows and smirked at Sasori, who was frowning at him. "I'm just saying..."

"...Are you trying to bribe me into this by dropping hints about Deidara's sexual appetite?" Sasori asked flatly.

"Maybe."

Sasori's lips pushed out into an impressively attractive pout as he glared pensively down at his soldering iron. Yahiko crossed his fingers under the table.

"...Fine."

Yahiko beamed.

_**Hidan**_

Hidan scratched the back of his head, frowned at the slight pain, and then glanced at his fingernails, now caked with dried blood. He scowled across the parking lot to Kakuzu, who was leaning against his car, talking to some bald shithead. Probably making another of his weird transactions or whatever.

Hidan probed the back of his head a little more carefully this time as he walked over, tongue between his teeth, wondering what the hell had happened.

"Oh, yeah." he murmured, remembering Kakuzu shoving him against a concrete wall the other day, cracking his head against it. "Motherfucker." But it had been worth it.

Whenever he got into a fight with that crazy fucker, just imagining Kakuzu feeling the same pain he did got him so fucking high... But he could never sacrifice the piece of shit to Jashin. He wouldn't appreciate it at all. He didn't give a fuck about anything unless there was money involved.

His smirk turned nasty as he approached Kakuzu. The dickhead probably didn't even _fuck _unless he was getting paid.

"What do you want, Hidan?" Kakuzu asked gruffly, sending the bald twink running with a look, fingering his newly-acquired fistful of bills.

Hidan leaned against the car opposite him and folded his arms across his chest, looking him up and down. It really was no surprise that people called him 'Frankenstein's Monster'. His body was already pretty scarred, and he kept getting new ones, so he sometimes looked like stitches were the only things holding him together. Freakish, but somehow still pretty hot. It helped that he was pretty fucking built.

"Nothing much. I'm bored. There's nothing to fucking do around here, so I came to hang out with you." he shrugged. Kakuzu didn't look up, thumbing through his cash again before slipping it into his fat wallet. Rude fucking bitch. Hidan bit down on the insult, for the first time in his life.

_You better appreciate this friggin' awesome restraint, Yahiko! Check it out, I'm being polite just like you said. This is me being like, mega-super-ultra nice. I deserve some goddamn praise! Bow down, bitch! Fuck you very much, ordering me around like this, who the hell do you think you-_

"Hey! Hey, hey, hey, where the fuck are you going? I'm talking to you, asshole!" Hidan protested, realizing Kakuzu had started to walk away.

"Didn't look like you were saying anything to me." Kakuzu said, his quiet, deep voice pissing Hidan off more than usual.

"Well, I was." Dickbrain.

Kakuzu paused, still facing away. Hidan scowled as he realized that this was all the attention he was going to get.

"Look, I just... wanted to hang out. With you. Because we're... friends, right?" He smiled. Kakuzu turned around. Ah, shit. Didn't look like he was fooled. _Sorry, Yahiko, but come on, I'm no fucking actor. _

"Liar." Hidan laughed and raised his hands, casually walking towards Kakuzu.

"Okay, okay, you got me." he cracked his neck and grinned. Kakuzu narrowed his eyes. Weirdest fucking eyes Hidan had ever seen. Fucking red. Maybe he just smoked a lot of pot. "I need a favor."

"I don't have time to mess around with a brain-dead moron like you." Kakuzu said shortly. Hidan spat to his side, seriously pissed off now.

"You making fun of me, bitch?" He sighed and twisted his mouth- Yahiko was gonna fucking pay for making him do this. _If I had it my way, you'd be screaming for mercy by now, stupid dick. Jashin would smite you like a motherfucker. _

"Come on, Kakuzu." he changed his tone to the most saccharine, babying croon he could muster. "Pretty please? With sugar on top?" He gave his most winning smile. "I know you're secretly nice. Come on, for me?"

Kakuzu glared at him like he was actually gonna try something. That would be interesting. But he didn't move. _Pussy._

"What do you want? Did you get expelled again?" Hidan scowled, kicking his shoe over the concrete.

"No, you stupid dick! Shut the hell up!" Whoops. "I'd explain why, but you don't give a shit-"

"Got that right." _Pissing me off..._

"Whatever. Basically... I need the keys to the security office." Kakuzu folded his arms across his chest

"What makes you think I have them?"

"Fuck you and your questions, man! I _know _you have them because you have fucking _everything _because you're crazy! You're gonna hand over those shitty keys if it's the last thing you do, you stupid dick!" _Sorry, Yahiko. No, wait, fuck you Yahiko! Fuck you and your 'calm and polite' retarded strategy. Where the hell are you, I'm gonna fucking kill you! Why the hell do I have to be nice to this dipshit again?_ Kakuzu's hand was around his neck before he had time to react.

"Shit-" Kakuzu was glaring at him angrily. Not surprising- he always got his panties in a fucking twist whenever Hidan gave him any sort of attitude. Pussy.

"Why do you want the keys, though? You're crazy as hell, but you don't ever actually do anything. You working for somebody?" Kakuzu's grip on Hidan's throat was tight. Uncomfortably so. Hidan gritted his teeth.

"How the fuck do you expect me to answer you like this, you ugly bastard?" he rasped. Kakuzu's grip lessened slightly, and Hidan could've sworn the motherfucker chuckled softly. Weird dick.

"It's a favor for a friend, shithead. I promised I'd get the keys, and I need 'em... like, now." Hidan kicked playfully at Kakuzu's shins. "Besides, if anybody except me asked you, you'd've fuckin' killed them already, right 'kuzu? Now stop acting cool and saying crap like 'you working for somebody'. This isn't the fucking Mafia!"

Kakuzu dropped him. Hidan coughed and rubbed his neck, frowning.

"Ow, ow... Ugh, that ain't a little boo-boo, shithead! That hurt like hell!"

"You're such a baby." Kakuzu said. _Stop making fun of me, cuntface, spouting bullshit all the time..._Hidan scowled.

"Seriously... you should do something about your temper, you violent dick."

"Hypocrite." A ring of keys hit Hidan in the chest. He caught them before they fell and blinked up at Kakuzu in surprise.

"You're... actually giving them to me?"

"Don't you want them?" Kakuzu slipped his hands into the pockets of his dark jeans and frowned.

"Well, yeah, but... I thought I'd have to beg. Or pay you. Or both. Or-"

"Well, whatever. Just don't get expelled again, moron. It's annoying." Hidan looked at Kakuzu, starting to grin.

"Hey, hey! You can be a pretty nice guy sometimes, you know that?"

"Shut up, Hidan." Kakuzu walked away.

"Come on, admit it! I know you act like a jackoff, but you actually like me, huh?" He laughed.

"You want me to kill you?"

Hidan laughed again and turned around. He started walking back across the parking lot, tossing the keys into the air and catching them again. That had been easier than he'd thought it would be. He tugged his phone out of his jeans and began to text Yahiko.

It was almost time for Deidara's creepy boyfriend to go all High School fuckin' Musical on this bitch.

_**Sasori**_

"Seriously? _Seriously?_"

Sasori dragged his feet as Yahiko grinned and pulled him along. Carefree as a damn child while forcing others to throw away their dignity and grovel at the feet of a certain irritating pyromaniac.

"It'll be fine. It's going to be worth it, right?" Yahiko said cheerfully, taking the keys Hidan had given him out of the pocket of his sweater.

"_No_. No it's not." Sasori said grumpily. "Nothing could possibly be worth _this_."

"Don't be such a drama queen. You know better than anyone that Deidara likes to feel superior, right? Then this'll definitely work! He'll be begging to go out with you just to rub your shattered pride in the dirt." Yahiko tousled Sasori's hair and stopped in front of a door labelled 'Authorized Personnel Only'. Sasori scowled and slapped his hand away.

"Uh-huh." Sasori rolled his eyes. "Sure. And what's going to stop him from just walking away, laughing? That's what _I _would do." Yahiko frowned at him as he unlocked the door and opened it.

They squinted in the semi-darkness and walked up a tiny staircase, emerging into an equally tiny room which clearly hadn't been used for months. After all, the school hardly ever made announcements over the P.A. system anymore, since everything went onto the website. Sasori wrinkled his nose at the dust as Yahiko switched on the light.

"Uh... well, nothing's going to stop him from doing that. I guess you're just going to have to risk it." Sasori rubbed his face as he followed Yahiko into the office, really wishing he had never gotten involved in any of this.

"Alright, lucky for you, a friend of mine used to be a DJ, so I... know how..." Yahiko trailed off, looking around at the sound system equipment, which by Sasori's untrained eye, looked like it had come straight out of the eighties.

"Huh. Well... we'll just have to experiment. Can you call Hidan for me while I try to figure this out?" Yahiko asked, tossing Sasori his phone. "Ask him if Deidara's with him, and if they're in position."

"Sure. It's not like he could make this day any worse." Sasori said, scowling as he scrolled through Yahiko's contacts.

"Whaddup, dickbreath?" Sasori pinched the bridge of his nose. Was it possible to get a headache from that alone?

"Uh, hi." he said flatly. Hidan laughed.

"Oh, hey! I'd recognize that homo-punk voice anywhere."

"Homo...punk...?" Sasori repeated, glaring at Yahiko who began to laugh. It took a lot of restraint to stop himself from throwing the phone against the wall.

"Got a problem with that, bitch?" Hidan asked, probably wearing his usual shit-eating smirk. Sasori took a deep, calming breath.

"Look, Yahiko asked me to call you. He wants to know if Deidara's with you, and where you are."

"Yeah, I'm with the titless Barbie bitch down by the soccer field. When's it starting?" Hidan asked. Someone -probably Deidara- said something in a muffled, angry voice. "I'll call you Barbie if I want to, ho! Hey, wait- What the fuck are you-" Silence. Sasori looked down at the screen. Hidan had hung up.

"Is everything ok?" Yahiko asked as he tapped a microphone experimentally and flipped some switches.

"Well, they're on the field. Is everything ok over there?" Sasori asked, walking over.

"Kinda. I found the CD drive, and I figured out how to direct it only to the sports fields, but..." Yahiko scratched his chin and looked over at Sasori, an uncertain expression on his face.

"What?" Sasori asked flatly.

"Uh... There's a tiny problem. ...How's your singing voice?"

"What? I thought I was lip-syncing." Sasori asked, his hands suddenly unpleasantly cold and clammy. Yahiko rubbed his nose.

"I know, I'm sorry. Hidan just brought the instrumental version."

"I _hate _that guy." Sasori said, rubbing his face. The thought of pretending to sing that stupid song had been horrible enough -he hated music like that- but _actually _singing it... this was definitely the moment in his life he would never, ever live down. He sighed.

"Alright, alright, we're just gonna have to go with it. But I am switching clothes with you."

"Wh- What? Why?" Yahiko asked as Sasori pulled his sweater off and dragged his shirt over his head.

Yahiko pressed his hands to his nipples. Dork.

"I don't want anyone knowing it's me. Gimme that hat." Sasori said shortly, tugging his own shirt over his head and pulling on Yahiko's Bruce Lee tee and green sweater. It kind of irked him how loose they were, but at least they worked well as a disguise- after all, he'd never be caught dead in anything that wasn't black or red. He squashed the baseball hat down, trying vaguely to hide his hair.

He took a deep breath, grabbed the microphone, and pushed open the door to the roof.

"Let's get this over with. I hate waiting."

_**Deidara**_

"What are we even doing here? I'm seriously bored, hm." Deidara said, blowing hair out of his eye as he stared moodily up at the sky.

They'd been lying on the soccer field for the past twenty minutes, and he was getting really hungry. Plus Hidan hadn't given any sort of proper explanation as to why they had to be there. Deidara had just rolled his eyes, assuming they were probably waiting for Hidan's scary boyfriend-slash-enemy to show up. But his patience was starting to wear thin.

Deidara wrinkled his nose and frowned up at the sky. It looked like rain, and there was the faint sound of thunder. He wondered if Konan was home already. A weird sound distracted him from this thought, and he shut his eyes, concentrating. That wasn't thunder. The sound was getting louder, and it had a beat, and it was... music. Deidara sat up and kicked Hidan, who was lying by his feet.

"Do you hear that?" he asked, looking around vaguely. "Is that your phone?" Hidan said up with a groan, rubbing his stomach.

"Ouch, bitch. No need to kick me." Deidara stretched and rubbed his shoulders.

"Whatever. Sorry. But is that your phone?" Hidan shook his head.

"Nope." He wrinkled his nose. "I think I'd fucking kill myself if my ringtone were this shit."

Deidara rolled his eyes. The sound was definitely getting louder, way too loud just for someone's phone or even a car radio.

"I think it's coming from the..." Deidara trailed off, frowning as he looked up at the big P.A. system speakers mounted by the roof.

"Hey, is there a guy on the roof?" he asked, pointing upwards. Hidan followed his gaze. Deidara looked around to see if anyone else had noticed. The thunder had driven a few people inside, but there were still about thirty people on the field. Some of them were pointing to the roof, too.

The figure slid down the ladder from the roof to the stadium, and began to walk across the stands.

_Sittin' over here  
><em>_Starin' at your face  
><em>_With lust in my eyes  
>Sure don't give a damn and you<em>

"What the hell..." Deidara said, gaping up at the guy in the stands. He squinted. He couldn't tell who it was, but there was something kind of familiar about the voice.

_Don't know that I've been dreaming of you__  
><em>_In my fantasies_  
><em>Never once you looked at me<br>Don't even realize that I'm wanting you  
>To fulfill my needs<em>

Deidara shut his eyes and listened to the voice, the familiar voice... "No.. no _way_."

_Think what you want  
>Let your mind free<br>Run free to a place no one dares to_

He stared hard at the figure in the stands, who appeared to be doing a pretty reasonable -if self-conscious- dance across the benches. He looked around at everyone else watching and gave a short, disbelieving laugh. He couldn't help it. He couldn't _believe _it.

_How many nights I've laid in bed excited over you  
><em>_I've closed my eyes and thought of us a hundred different ways  
>I've gotten there so many times I wonder how 'bout you<em>

Deidara pressed a hand to his eyes and groaned, grinning despite himself. He was hardly aware of Hidan laughing beside him. It was definitely Sasori up there. Sasori singing. And dancing. To Janet frigging Jackson. Deidara looked up again just in time to catch Sasori mid Axel-Rose-style snake dance. "Oh, my _god._" _  
><em>

_Day and night  
><em>_Night and Day  
><em>_All I've got to say is_

Deidara, still grinning, folded his arms over his chest. Hidan shoved him towards the stands, so he started walking towards Sasori, who was starting to come down the stairs, amid his hip gyrations. Deidara pressed a hand to his face again when the chorus began and Sasori raised a hand and pointed at him.

_If I was your man  
>Oh the things I'd do to you<br>I'd make you call out my name  
>I'd ask who it belongs to <em>

Deidara laughed as two security guards came bursting out of the door on the roof and sliding down the ladder, running down to Sasori, who began to jog across the benches in an over-the-top Broadway style

_If I was your man  
><em>_The things I'd do to you  
>But I'm not<br>So I can't  
>And I won't<br>But  
>If I was your man<em>

Deidara laughed as the security guards caught up to Sasori, who took an awkward little bow before walking away with them. Everyone on the field clapped. Deidara rolled his eyes and shoved his hands into his pockets. But he couldn't stop smiling.

_**Sasori**_

He'd been in the security guard's "holding room" (really just a small office with posters about being a drain on society plastered over the walls) for just five minutes or so while they looked up his student number and other nonsense (he wasn't actually sure what they were planning to do. Aside from getting into the P.A. room without permission, he hadn't exactly done anything worth actual punishment) when there was a disturbance outside.

He looked down at his shoes as he listened to the security guards, who seemed to be arguing with someone. Maybe they'd somehow figured out Kakuzu had given them the key. Or maybe a serious emergency had occurred- skateboarding in the hall or something. The office door opened and closed. Sasori looked up and felt his mouth go dry.

Deidara leaned back against the office door, his arms folded across his chest. His chin was raised defiantly, but he was grinning. Sasori sighed and tipped his head back to hit the wall. So he'd actually recognized him. And come here... hopefully not to yell at him.

"Hey."

"Hey. Nice moves." He sounded like he was going to laugh. Sasori rolled his eyes and tried not to smile back. It didn't really work.

"Come on. I told them there's a rogue skateboarder in the library, hm." Deidara said, walking over and tugging Sasori to his feet by the sleeve of Yahiko's sweater.

Sasori followed him out of the office, then out of the school and into the forest out the back, Deidara pulling him the whole way. Sasori had spent the time trying to think what to say. He didn't know how to read Deidara when he was in a good mood. Which he apparently was. So the plan had worked, at least partly. Now that he thought about it, this was probably the most cheerful Sasori had ever seen him.

Deidara let him go once they were a short way into the forest. It was starting to actually rain now, and Sasori vaguely wondered why Deidara had decided to stay outside. The smell of wet leaves permeated the air. Deidara walked further along the path, hands in his pockets. Sasori assumed he wasn't going to speak first. He sighed.

"So... I guess you liked the song?" Awkward opener. Deidara gave a short, breathy laugh, apparently agreeing.

"Not really. Janet's not really my thing. The lyrics were pretty racy though, don't you think? Is that why you were being held for questioning?" Deidara asked teasingly. Sasori shrugged, smiling a little.

"I was going for a shock and seduce combo. Did it work?" he asked. Tsk. Deidara in the rain was annoyingly distracting. His hair was getting damp and darkening, and drops of rain were running down his neck, disappearing from sight below the plunging neck of his tank. Deidara quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Hmm... maybe."

Sasori smiled and looked down, frowning slightly at Bruce Lee on his chest before remembering he was wearing Yahiko's shirt and sweater.

"Hey, Deidara... I'm sorry for.. uh..." He paused. Deidara stopped walking and faced him, folding his arms across his chest and frowning.

"Sorry for what? What exactly did you do?" he asked. Sasori stopped too, feeling uncomfortable. What exactly... He shrugged.

"I'm sorry I didn't want to kiss you when you were drunk." he said simply. Deidara looked at him suspiciously.

"If that was it, you could've just said that. But you ran away. You _literally _ran away. If I hadn't been so pissed, I would've been laughing at you, hm." he said frankly. Sasori shrugged again.

"Yeah, well... I don't know what you want me to say. I'm sorry I offended you." Deidara rolled his eyes, unimpressed, and started walking again.

Great. He was mad. _Again._

Sasori scowled and grabbed Deidara's arm, stopping him. Deidara glared at him. _That _didn't help. Sasori groaned internally, wondering when he'd have to give up and accept that he was sexually attracted to Deidara's bitch face. Damnit.

"Why is this such a big deal..." he trailed off, looking down at Deidara's hand, frowning. The knuckles were scabbed over and purple, and two fingers were swollen, yellow and blue from bruises. It looked like he'd punched a wall.

Sasori glanced up at Deidara's pissed expression, then back down to his hand. Clearly he had been really mad the night of the party after all, but... He smirked, and didn't miss they way Deidara's gaze dropped to his mouth before he looked away angrily.

"You're such a brat." Sasori said softly. "I guess I'll have to be honest, huh? Since you punched a wall 'cause of me."

Deidara scowled, but didn't deny it.

"Alright. Well, when you were in the car doing _this_-" Sasori pulled the Bruce Lee shirt down slightly to expose the hickey at the base of his neck. Deidara stared at it, a weird expression on his face.

"I... I did that?" he asked, frowning. Sasori scowled.

"Right. _That _is exactly why I didn't want to do anything with you. You'd forget about it, like it didn't matter."

Deidara frowned.

"Yeah, but it wouldn't matter." Sasori stared at him. "To you." Deidara added as an afterthought.

Sasori pressed his hands to his eyes. He kind of wanted to laugh. _God_, this was... He was actually going to have to come out and say it, wasn't he?

"Look, while you've been having a bitch fit, or whatever the sushi-throwing was, I've been..." he stopped himself and scowled. Deidara's expression was equally mutinous. Sasori sighed, exasperated.

_"Yes_, it would have mattered to me, Deidara! Okay? Yeah, I left because I didn't want you to forget whatever you were going to do to me. But also because I was freaked out! Ever since, it's been really hard to think about anything else except you in that damn car. I didn't realize... Like I knew I thought you were pretty hot, but like... I think... I might actually like you. So if we'd done anything, and it only ever mattered to me, it would've been shit. Okay?"

Sasori stuffed his hands into the pockets of his sweater and started to walk again, looking away from Deidara. He was pissing him off. The whole situation was pissing him off. He couldn't believe it. He'd just kinda-sorta-maybe fucking _confessed. _This had to be the most humiliating, degrading day of his life. He scuffed his shoes on the path, scowling. The worst part was that he was pretty sure he was being honest.

Deidara's hand grabbed the back of his sweater and pulled him backwards, making him stagger slightly.

"What the-"

Deidara scowled at him and knocked the baseball cap off his head. He grabbed the front of Sasori's shirt and pulled him up and forward.

"You piss me off." he muttered before dropping his chin and pressing his mouth firmly to Sasori's.

* * *

><p>Hope you guys like this chapter, sorry it's a slow update... For those of you who are waiting for an update for I Love andor Provocation on my other account, don't worry! I've been working on them, and hope to update them soon! :D


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